


1300 Days

by in_the_bottle



Series: Thousand Days [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, dear god I wrote this?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-05
Updated: 2003-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-02 10:49:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_the_bottle/pseuds/in_the_bottle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a terrible accident befalls Voyager, Chakotay's injuries put him into a coma no one is sure he'll wake from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1300 Days

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published as a digest sized novella. 
> 
> I blame this entirely on Andy Lau and Jean. For those of you who don't know, Andy Lau is a Hong Kong singer/actor, his last CD kinda got the muse going, and Jean, the mistress of the TPD Archive, shove me to the... um... encouraged (yeah, that's the word) me to write it. Finish this damn thing in less than a month, at least the first draft of it. Fastest fic I ever written, that I can tell you. So here's it.
> 
> Dedication: To Jean, for her 20th Birthday. :)

\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

A finger twitched...

How many times had he dreamt about this?

_ Reflex. Just muscle reflexes. _

He had lost count over the years.

Eyelids fluttered...

Was he dreaming now?

...and opened.

His breath caught in his throat. _He's awake. He's awake, HE'S AWAKE!!_ He watched, motionless. Afraid.

Dream or reality?

He prayed that it was the latter.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1

_ USS Voyager _ , Delta Quadrant.

\----------------------------------------

"We have confirmation from the second probe, Captain."

He could hear the barely restrained excitement in Harry's voice as the younger man announced his findings.

"Well, ensign, don't keep us all waiting!"

The Captain was better than Harry at hiding what she was feeling, but Tom could still tell that she was excited. He spun his chair around to face the bridge just to see how the crew would react to Harry's news, whatever it might be.

"It leads to the Alpha quadrant."

For some reason, Tom had always expected a cheer would accompany those words instead of the silence that greeted them. He _was_ the only one who wasn't looking forward to going home, wasnt he?

It was Chakotay who finally broke the silence. Tension was visible in the First Officer's posture for those who knew what to look for. Tom knew. "Are there any temporal differentials between the two points?"

Harry turned his attention back to the readings in front of him. "No, sir. The wormhole is relatively stable on this end, but I'll need to sort through the data before I can tell you more."

"We made it," Chakotay murmured.

Tom wasn't sure if he had meant for the entire bridge crew to hear him or not.

"Not yet, Commander, not until we're on the other side of the wormhole," Janeway reminded him.

"Captain," Harry looked up from his panel, "according to the scans, the last stretch of the wormhole leading to the Alpha quadrant isn't as stable as the rest of it. It's showing signs of collapsing."

"How much time do we have?"

"Approximately six hours before total collapse, but it would be too small for us to go through within the next two and a half hours."

Janeway took a deep breath as she looked at the view screen. Squaring her shoulders, she tugged at her uniform, a sign that Tom had identified as 'decision made'.

She didn't disappoint him.

"Take us in, Mr. Paris."

"Aye aye," he responded, turning his chair back to face the helm controls. "One quarter impulse, steady as she goes."

The bridge was again strangely quiet.

"If the readings Harry's sending me are correct, I need more power to the shields if we're going to get out of here in one piece!" Tom's voice finally broke the silence.

"Shields at maximum." Tuvok replied.

Toms hands flew across the controls without really looking at them, trying to avoid as much spacial turbulence as possible.

Three minutes.

Tom had a feeling that everyone was just staring at the view screen. "Bridge to all hands," technically, it was a breach of protocol for him to address the ship when he wasnt in command, but there wasn't enough time to worry about it "hang on to something, 'cause this ride's about to get _really_ bumpy in a few seconds!"

One... two... three... fo--

The ship shook.

"Shields at seventy percent and holding." Tuvok announced.

The ship shook some more.

"Shields at fifty-five percent. Transferring all available power to the shields."

Apparently, the Delta quadrant wasn't giving them up without a fight. A huge wave of tachyon particles was heading straight for _Voyager_ , but Tom was ready for it.

"Switching to full impulse!"

Tom's eyes were focused on the view screen. Sensor readings would not tell him anything he didn't already know. He was relying more on intuition than skills. When the moment arrived, he 'tipped' the saucer section of the ship slightly forward, lifting her aft section enough to catch the wave and ride it.

"Shields down to seventy-five percent."

His fingers flew across the familiar controls, maintaining the precarious balancing act.

Two minutes.

"Shields at fifty percent."

He could almost hear _Voyager's_ hull groaning under the pressure like some ancient submarine on Earth.

"Bridge to Engineering, I need more power if we're getting out of this!"

"I'm rerouting power from astrometrics and hydroponics; it's all you're going to get!" came B'Elanna's reply.

"I guess that'll have to do," he muttered, hoping that it would be enough.

"Shields at twenty percent."

His palms began to sweat.

"Come on, come on... you can do it." Tom wasn't sure if he was referring to _Voyager_ or himself.

"Shields at five percent."

They were never going to make it... but the wormhole coughed, and spat them out on the other side, the ship bucking violently as shields finally gave up.

He wondered what it would take for Starfleet to start installing safety belts on starships as he felt his ribs crack from the impact against his consoles. If car designers could come up with safety belts in the mid-twentieth century, and early space craft designers in the twenty-first century, why not starship designers in the twenty-fourth century?

Ignoring the pain, he maneuvered _Voyager_ to a halt, wondering about the extent of the damage that would cause the sluggish response from the controls. He turned around to survey the damage and his heart chilled at the eerily familiar sight before him.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

_ Chakotay's going to be all right. _

"There's no sign that he's suffering from amnesia or any other complications from his injury. He'll make a full recovery." Amy's words echoed through his mind.

_ He's going to be fine, he's going to be fine, he's going to be _ **fine**! Overwhelmed, he stood frozen at the foot of the bed, looking down at the familiar figure.

His dreams had come true.

"Tom?" The voice, raspy from years of silence, immediately brought him to the bedside.

"Welcome back." To the Alpha quadrant, to consciousness, to him. He smiled a smile that had rarely been seen in the last few years.

"How...." A coughing fit which a few small sips of water cured. "How long..." He knew the question before Chakotay even finished.

"Three and a half years."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1

_ USS Voyager _ , Alpha Quadrant.

\----------------------------------------

Smoke was everywhere, and the engineering console was still giving off sparks. Part of the ceiling had collapsed and was lying in the middle of the bridge.

"Hull breach on decks thirteen, fourteen and fifteen. Force fields are holding up," Harry reported even before the Captain requested the information.

Janeway was slowly making her way back onto her feet.

Where was Chakotay?

"Sensors are offline, so are warp power, weapons, long range communications, transporters..."

He ignored Harry and everything else that was happening around him, eyes scanning the wreckage for signs of the First Officer.

"No..."

More of a moan than a word as he rushed toward the figure pinned underneath a metal beam.

_ Voyager _ had lost her first officer going to the Delta quadrant, she was not losing another first officer coming back. Not if Tom had anything to say about it.

He didn't know where he got the medical tricorder or if someone had handed it to him. Broken femur, broken ribs, punctured lung, severe internal bleeding, hairline fracture in the skull.

"We need to get him to sickbay _now_!"

"Transporters are offline. It'll take a few minutes to get them back." Harry replied.

"He doesn't _have_ a few minutes!"

He tried moving the metal beam, but even with the Captain's help, it was too heavy.

"Damn it!" He turned to Janeway. "Get someone to the shuttle bay and use the _Flyer's_ transporters!"

He didn't care that he was technically trying to give an order to a superior officer, they could court martial him later.

His request must have somehow been carried out as moments later, he found himself beside Chakotay's prone form in a chaotic sickbay.  

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth.

\----------------------------------------

Chakotay was finally asleep after getting over the shock.

Tom knew that he had a lot of questions, but Chakotay was also too tired to do anything but sleep.  Really sleep.

Quietly, he left the room. There were people to call.

Amy caught up with him halfway down the hallway. "Tom, wait. I want to give you these." She handed him two data rods.

"What's this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's inside these data rods?"

"Your conversation with Chakotay for the last three and a half years."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What?! You were spying on us?"

Amy looked appalled. "What do you mean? Of course not! I thought I told you about... Gosh! You mean you didn't know? The doctor went on. "I tried to tell you about it that night, but I got called away, I thought I told Marge to tell you about it, but she must've forgotten..."

"Amy, what are you talking about?"

"Tom, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. It's just that, a few years ago, some of my patients families and friends started to record their conversation with the comatose patients, and when the patients woke up, most of them found it helpful to listen to those recordings, helped them get a better understanding what their family had went through, so I thought..."

"So you thought it might be helpful if you'd offer to do it for everyone else, only you somehow forgot to tell me about it," he concluded, looking down at the shorter doctor.

"I'm so sorry about that, Tom. If you want those data destroyed, I'll do it. I can assure you that no one has played them and these are the originals, and there's no other copies lying around."

Amy looked so anxious that Tom thought she might burst out in tears at any moment. He let out a sigh. "It's all right. What's done's done. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Tom, I really am sorry."

"As long as no one else's heard it, it's all right."

Some of the things he'd said to Chakotay were very personal, and the thought of someone overhearing him made him want to scream. "If you'd excuse me, I have a few calls to make."

"Yes, of course."

He gave Amy a reassuring smile, trying hard not to hurt the doctor's feelings before resuming his previous course.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 3

_ USS Enterprise - E _ , en route to Earth.

\----------------------------------------

Subdural hematoma.

It was the twenty-fourth century. They had eradicated poverty on Earth, cured the Ebola and HIV viruses, traveled faster than the speed of light, which was originally thought impossible. Hell, he himself had broken the warp ten barrier that was also originally thought impossible to beat. And despite all the technological advances, they couldn't treat a simple brain injury.

The accumulation of blood in the subdural space between the duramater and arachnoid membranes of the brain.

All the technology and they couldn't stop a simple blood clot.

Usually caused by severe head trauma, it may take up to a few weeks after initial injury to develop.

_ "I'm sorry Lieutenant Paris," the sympathetic Dr. Beverly Crusher, CMO of Starfleet's flagship"his internal bleeding had created a complication that we hadn't been able to foresee, and we couldn't stop the clot from forming." _

Characterized by progressive neurological deterioration and/or possible coma or amnesia.

_ "Tom,"the holodoc"we tried everything to stop him from slipping into a coma, but..." _

_ "You're a _ hologram! _A_ computer program! _How can you_ not _see this?! You're_ supposed _to be able to calculate all the variable outcomes that no mere mortal can!"_

_ "Tom, please! I assure you we did everything we could! There is still a chance that he will wake up." _

_ "When?" _

_ "I don't know." _

_ "Amnesia?" _

_ "From what we can tell, unlikely, but not impossible." _

_ "What _ do _you know then?"_

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth.

\----------------------------------------

Calls were made. Chakotay's family, Kathryn, Harry, and B'Elanna. They could contact everyone else. Data rods still in his hand, Tom made his way back to the hospital room that had been his second home for the last few years.

"This is one place I won't miss," he whispered to himself, standing at the doorway. Looking at Chakotay's sleeping form, he panicked. Was it all a dream after all? Had he wanted Chakotay to wake up so much that his brain took pity on him and made it all up? Was Chakotay really awake? Did he slip back into coma while he was away?

He rushed to the display panels beside the bed, taking in all the results. Brainwave pattern: normal REM wave. He let out a ragged sigh of relief.

It was real.

His legs finally gave up and he fell into the chair beside the panel.

It was real.

He rubbed his face.

It was real.

Maybe he'd start to believe it if he said it enough times. Remembering the data rods, his open his palm and looked at them. #1 and #2; simple labels. The last three and a half years of his life.

Tears and pain. Should he give them to Chakotay? Rare moments of laughter and joy. Maybe he should spare Chakotay the heartache. Moments where his soul was bare for all to see. 

But what would Chakotay want? He would want to know _everything._

There was no point in dwelling in the past, it was the future he was looking forward to. _You have to embrace your past in order to have a future._ Who had said that? It didn't matter. It was something Chakotay believed in.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 4

Starfleet Medical, Earth.

\----------------------------------------

"Lieutenant Paris. I'm Dr. Amy Tobinski. I'll be assisting Dr. Crusher and the EMH in the surgery."

Tom sat in the waiting area, wishing he could do something.

"The procedure that they've outlined"

"I know what they're going to do."

_ "Tom," the Doc appeared beside him next to the bio-bed on the _ Enterprise's _sickbay. "Dr. Crusher and I have come up with a surgical procedure that might help the commander."_

_ He could sense a 'but' coming; there was always a 'but'. _

_ "But there's only a twelve percent chance of a full recovery, I don't want you to get your hopes up." _

_ Twelve percent. _

_ Even if he flipped the numbers around, it would only be twenty-one percent. "Do whatever you think is necessary, Doc. Just bring him back to me." _

_ "I'll do my best." _

He wasn't interested in the technical aspect of the procedure, it didn't matter. "When can I see him?"

"I'll let you know when we're done," the doctor replied.

"Thanks," said more out of habit than anything.

"You're welcome." Tobinski replied before making her way to the surgical theater.

Tom watched the young doctor's retreating form; he would have appreciated the view in another life from another lifetime. He wished that Harry was with him, but it wasn't possible. The entire crew from _Voyager,_ excluding the Doc, Chakotay and him, were undergoing evaluation by Starfleet Command. He didn't know how the Captain had managed to get him excused for the moment, but he was grateful for it.

The minutes ticked by. Briefly, he wondered if he would know if Chakotay...

No.

Chakotay would survive.

He had to.

There was no other alternative.

"Tom?"

He was startled to find the holodoc standing in front of him. The expression on the doctor's face told him all he needed to know.

"How is he?"

"We've managed to repair some of the damage caused by the clot."

"But not enough."

"I'm afraid so." The doctor sat down next to him.

"What's next?"

"We wait."

A confirmation of what he already knew.

"Lieutenant Paris," Tobinski was standing in front of him once again. "We've moved Commander Chakotay to a room up stairs. Nurse Anderson will tale you there once he's been settled down."

Settled down.

It sounded so... final to him.

"Thanks."

"I'd like to inform you that we"

Tobinski's com badge interrupted her before she could finish. "Dr. Tobinski, please report to the emergency room immediately."

"On my way. Lieutenant, please let Nurse Anderson know if you need anything," Tobinski said before rushing off to the nearest lift, leaving the holodoc and him sitting in silence.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

"Tom?"

The voice woke him like no alarm ever could.

"I'm here, what do you need?"

"Some water would be nice."

A request that was almost instantly granted.

"Take it slowly, your system needs time to recover." Tom took in the sight before him as he helped the other man up.

"I hate feeling so weak," Chakotay grumbled after he finished his water.

His eyes never left Chakotay. "Give it time, Cha."

"I know. I just--"

"Hate feeling weak. I know."

Chakotay smiled. "You do realize you haven't stopped looking at me dont you?"

He looked some more. "I missed you," Barely above a whisper. "You have no idea how many times I've dreamt about this day."

"Then tell me."

He had been right, Chakotay wanted to know. He let go of his hold on Chakotay's hand, reached into his shirt pocket and retrieved the two data rods. He placed them on the other man's palm and closed the fingers around them. "Have a listen to these when you're bored and I'm not around to entertain you."

"You recorded these?"

"Actually, they're part of the services this place provides," he replied with a wry smile. "Everything you want to know is in there."

A knock on the door interrupted them. "Tom." Marge was standing at the door.

"I know, visiting hours are over. Marge, can I..."

"We've talked about this, Tom, no exceptions. I'm sorry."

He let out a sigh.

"Five more minutes then."

"All right."

He turned his attention back to Chakotay. "Wish I could stay, but you heard the lady."

"Don't think I'll be doing much but sleep anyway, don't think I _can_ do anything else," Chakotay replied with a small smile.

"You'll be up in no time, and oh yeah, just wanted to tell you that I called your mother earlier, and Kathryn, Harry and B'Elanna. I think between them, everyone should've got the news by now. Don't want you to freak out when all of them swamp in here tomorrow morning."

"Thank for the warning."

"God, I don't want to leave, but Marge will drag me out by the ear if I don't get out of here in the next minute."

"I think that might be something I'd enjoy watching."

"You wish!" he said with a laugh. Chakotay had always been able to make him laugh. "Good night," he bent down and placed a soft kiss on the other man's lips before straightening up again.

"Sweet dreams, Angel."

"Tonight? Definitely."

Marge appeared at the door again. "Tom, your five minutes was up a minute ago."

"I'm going, I'm going. Give a guy a break, will ya?" He gave her a smile, reluctantly leaving the room, the door closing with a soft hiss behind them.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Paris Residence, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Tom headed towards the kitchen the moment he got home, but instead of the habitual shot of scotch, he replicated a mug of tea. Wrapping his hands around the warm mug, he sat at the kitchen counter, a big smile on his face.

He knew he looked like an idiot with the silly smile plastered on his face, but he didn't care. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

"You sure look cheerful today."

He could read the question in his father's words.

"He's awake, Dad. He's finally awake!" He couldn't stay still any longer. "God, after so long, Chakotay's awake! I can't believe it. I really can't believe it." He was standing in front of his father, hands waving as he spoke. "Dad, tell me I'm not dreaming. I'm not am I?"

"No, Tom, you're not."

"God, after all these years... It was all I dreamt about for so long, and now, it's really happening. All the times that I thought I might lose him, how stupid was that? And I'm acting a little nuts, arent I?"

"Yes, but I think you've earned the right." His father gave him an indulgent smile, one that Tom hasn't seen since he was eight.

He returned it with the silly grin that had been on his face since he got home.

\----------------------------------------

Day 1300

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Nurse Fraser, also known as Marge, had ordered Chakotay to sleep after Tom had left, but despite the lethargy he felt, his brain couldn't seemed to shut up.

_ Three and a half years of nothing to do, no wonder it isn't shutting up. _

The data rods Tom had given him were still in his hand; slowly he held them up to his field of vision. Selecting the one labeled #1, he left the other laying on the bed. Inch by inch, he reached for the console beside his bed, willing his weakened muscles to work.

_ Spirits! I hate feeling this weak! Thank God, they're starting the physiotherapy tomorrow, sooner I get out of here, the better. _

After a few minutes of struggling, he finally managed to get the data rod into the slot. "Computer, play recording from the beginning."

The computer acknowledged with a soft chirp and Tom's voice filled the room.

_ Cha, wake up. Please. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Fourth day since we went through that stupid wormhole, first day back on Earth. Yeah, we're back on Earth. The real one this time, not some weird alien training facility in the middle of the Delta. _

_ <pause> _

_ It's only me here right now, the others are a little busy at the moment, undergoing evaluation by Starfleet Command. I'll have to go in a while. _

_ <pause> _

_ I'm scared, Cha, I don't want to go back to New Zealand, not when you're lying here. I mean, at least when you're awake, I know you'd go all caveman like and come in with guns blazing to bust me out of jail, right? _

He laughed at the description, knowing Tom wasn't too far off the mark.

_ But you're stuck here in the hospital, and if they do send me back... _

_ <deep breath> _

_ I guess I'm just being paranoid. I mean, if they're gonna send me back, they would've done it by now, right? God, Cha, I'm just so scared. Not just for me, but for you. _

_ <pause> _

_ You have to wake up, you have to wake up. _

The last part was said so soft that Chakotay nearly missed it.

"Computer, replay last sentence, amplify volume fifty percent."

A chirp.

_ You have to wake up, you have to wake up. _

"Computer, pause playback."

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He could hear the fear in Tom's voice and how lost the younger man felt.

"I'm sorry, Tom. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he muttered to himself, willing away the tears that had threatened to fall.

_ Spirits, this is just the beginning. _

He took a few more deep breaths.

"Computer, resume playback, normal volume."

_ The Doc told me not to get my hopes up, that you might never wake up. Bull shit! You're one of the strongest men I know, you will wake up. Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, though that'd be nice, but you _ will. _You hear me Chakotay? You_ will _wake up!_

_ God, I won't know what to do if you don't. _

_ Janeway to Paris. _

_ Paris here. _

_ Tom, I'm sorry, but they want you to report to Starfleet Command immediately. _

_ It's okay, Captain. I'm on my way. Paris out. _

_ Well, Cha, I guess this is it. Wish me luck. _

"Good luck." Chakotay murmured despite the fact that the event in question happened more than three years ago. "Computer, stop playback."

If the rest of the recordings were similar to the first one, and he had a feeling that they were, he didn't think he would be able to handle the emotional roller coaster that he knew it would put him through, not while he was still feeling physically weak.

He closed his eyes, trying not think about all the possible outcomes of Tom's evaluation.

_  
_

\----------------------------------------

Day 1301

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

He woke up to find Tom reading a pad by his side and breakfast being delivered. The pad was immediately abandoned the moment Tom noticed that he was awake.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"When can I get out of here?" Hed never liked hospitals.

Tom let out a laugh.

"What?"

"That's just so... _you_ , Cha."

"Didn't know you were expecting someone else," he replied with a smile of his own. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Just what the doctor recommended, protein shake."

He made a face, earning him another laugh from Tom.

His breakfast was interrupted by a knock followed by a smiling Harry Kim.

"Am I interrupting?"

"Just my breakfast."

"Damn."

"Harry, Harry, Harry," Tom admonished. "You should know better."

"What can I say, you're a bad influence on me, Tom."

Among the unfamiliar surroundings and people, Chakotay was glad to see that some things remained the same.

"So, Commander, how are you feeling?"

"For someone who just woke up from three and a half years of sleep, I can't complain," he replied.

"Doesn't mean he doesn't want to though," Tom added.

"Well, I came bearing warnings. For the next few days, lots of people will be asking you how you're feeling. Right now, I'm the only one living close enough to be here today, but I assure you, they are coming. Just thought I'd let you know." Harry pulled another chair out of the corner.

"So, Lieutenant Kim," he had noticed the additional pips, "what have you been up to while I was playing sleeping beauty?" He was slowly sipping his breakfast as they talked. Why couldn't they make the shakes taste better? Was a little flavouring too much to ask for? On the other hand, it was most definitely better than the leola root shakes Neelix came up with, and for that, he was thankful.

"Well, I figured I've had enough of space travel after _Voyager_ , and my parents were terrified of letting me out of their sight, so I requested an Earth based posting. The only one they had at that time was a teaching position, so I took it."

"Yep, Harry's terrorizing poor, innocent cadets at the academy."

"And what have _you_ been up to?" he directed his question at Tom.

"Oh, you know, this and that," Tom replied with an indifferent shrug.

Chakotay wasn't sure if he was going to like the answer to his question. He wouldn't put it past Tom to have done nothing but sit with him for the last few years.

"This and that?" Harry seemed abashed by the answer, but a look from Tom stopped the Lieutenant from saying anything further.

What was his Angel keeping from him?

"Hey, don't worry, I'm not a stripper at some dingy bar." Tom could read him like a book. "Just concentrate on your upcoming physio for the moment. I promise I'll tell you everything you want to know later, okay?"

"And speaking of later," Harry interrupted. "I have a class in forty-five minutes, so Id better get going. It's definitely good to see you up, if not about, Commander."

"And Harry, I think you've been hanging around Tom so long that you've inherited his sense of humour. Thanks for coming," Chakotay replied with a smile.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 5

Starfleet Command, Earth

\----------------------------------------

"Tobinski to Paris."

Tom's com badge went off the moment he stepped out of the conference room. He couldn't help feeling a sense of dread at the doctor's call.

"Paris here."

_ Please, don't let anything happen to Cha. _

"Please come to the hospital as soon as possible."

"What's going on?"

"Please, Mr. Paris, I'll explain as soon as you get here."

"On my way."

He wasn't supposed to leave yet, but orders really didn't matter to him at that moment. He took a less-known route from Starfleet headquarters to the hospital, avoiding the swarm of journalists that he knew was right outside the front door. Within six minutes of the call, Tom had tracked down Tobinski.

"How is he?" He knew he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Commander Chakotay has developed a complication."

"Brain edema?"

Tobinski seemed surprised at his guess. He hadnt spent the last few years as a medical assistant for nothing.

"Yes. However, it was something we could handle and since we have managed to catch it in time, I don't think he's suffered any ill effects from the episode. But we'll be monitoring the commander closely for the next few days."

He let out a breath of relief; Chakotay was fine... for the time being.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1301

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Chakotay woke up from his nap to find himself alone in the room, a padd within easy reach. Slowly he picked it up. As expected, there was a note from Tom.

  


_ Cha, _

_ Wish I could stay, but I've got a prior engagement that I couldn't get out of. Be back in a few hours. _

_ Love you always, _

_ Your Angel _

_ PS: I don't know what's with you and that absurd nickname, bet I'd look horrible with a halo. The wings would be nice though. _

  


He chuckled at the note, wondering what Tom was doing.

Eyeing the data rod still in the slot, he instructed the computer to resumed playback from where he had left off the previous night.

_ Sorry I wasn't here last night Cha, they wanted everyone where they can have easy access to them. By the way, it's Day Five, but who's counting, right? _

_ <pause> _

_ You gave me a scare this morning. The _ second _I stepped out of the conference room, Doctor Tobinski was asking me to get back here. For a moment, I thought... I thought I'd lost you._

"Computer, pause playback," he ordered. "Angel, I'm so sorry," he whispered to the empty room.

He took a deep breath to calm himself before asking the computer to continue.

_ I think I must've broken a record or two to get here. But you're okay now. At least, that's what Tobinski and all the scans I'm reading right now say. _

_ <sigh> _

_ I guess you'd want to know what happened at the meeting. I don't know why they couldn't just com me in the morning to be there instead of spending the night in temporary quarters. Anyway, five admirals, and I know four of them. Seeing them again was fun. And if your head injury has prevented you from recognizing sarcastic comments, that was one. _

_ They asked the usual questions, you know, how was the Delta; better than being here, were there any hostile species they should know about; let's see, Kazons, Vidians, Hirogens, and of course, there's the Borg, tons of'em. But of course, you already knew all that 'cause you've read it all in the ship's log. _

Chakotay had to smile at Tom's comments. He wasn't sure if that was what the younger man had said to the interview panel, but knowing the mood Tom was usually in around admirals, he wouldn't be surprised if it was exactly what he said.

_ Then they got _ really _interested in the Warp Ten experiment. Not something I personally want to go through again without some_ major _testing and re-testing. Normally, I'd be glad to go on and on about it, but I wasn't in the mood to entertain them, and I think you know why, Cha._

He did. Chakotay would probably have been the same mood if their positions had been reversed.

_ Told them that everything they needed to know was in my reports and logs, feel free to look through them. Think I might've pissed the new guy off a little with that. _

_ <small laugh> _

_ Then came the all-important question: What the fuck were they going to do with me? Well they didn't actually phrase it that way, but that was the gist of it. Guess you've figured that since I'm here, I'm not in prison. _

_ Actually, I escaped custody. Knocked the guards out with a mean left hook and came here with a hidden personal transporter. _

_ Ok, just kidding, but I _ am _violating orders to be here, so don't be surprised if security turns up to throw me in the brig._

"Only you, Tom, only you." Chakotay shook his head in half amusement.

_ Seriously, I don't think they can throw me back in prison without causing a public outrage. You should _ see _the number of reporters that's surrounding HQ. You can't get through the front door, or most of the back doors for that matter, without getting swarmed. Thank God, I've had practice with that. Would've loved to see Harry's face when he was faced with the swarm of reporters hungry for an exclusive._

_ <chuckle> _

_ You should see some of the reports out there. They made me sound like some hero for getting _ Voyager _through the wormhole._

"You are."

_ Sure as hell don't feel like one though. _

_ <pause> _

_ Anyway, back to the admirals. Told them I'm handing in my resignation, and guess what, they said they won't accept it. You'd think they'd be glad to get rid of me, but instead, they went and promoted me. They _ promoted me! _Can you believe that?!!!_

Chakotay could hear the exclamation marks behind Tom's announcement.

_ Well, I sure as hell don't. _

_ They said they've reviewed all my files, gone through the logs blah blah blah. See, they've read everything, so why were they asking stupid questions in the first place? Anyway, I digress. Theyd gone through my files and come to the conclusion that I have, and I quote, "gone well above my duties as a lieutenant and senior pilot on many occasions in order to save the lives of your crew members, not to mention your role as the chief medic on the ship." Chief medic? Since when was I one? Repeatedly told them I wanted out, but they didn't seem to hear me. McGregor even told me due to what's happened to you, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be making such decisions. What a load of crap. _

_ In the end, they gave me the promotion and granted me indefinite leave. _

_ God, I don't know why they want me to stay so badly, but they do. Make it sweet enough, and I might just decide to stay. It's the only reason I can think of as to why they'd promoted me to Commander. _

_ Surprise. _

Chakotay _was_ surprised. "So we're the same rank now huh, Tom," he muttered to himself.

_ I think they would've given me my own ship if I had asked for it. God only knows why! Shit, Cha, I mean they kicked me out all those years ago, why the hell would they want me back now, especially since I _ don't _want to stay?_

_ <snort> _

_ Who knows what goes on in the head of admirals. I sure as hell don't and I've got a couple of them still living in my family. _

_ <sigh> _

_ I think they basically promoted everyone who decided to stay. Bet I was the only one who skipped ranks, though. _

_ So, there you go. _

_ <pause> _

_ It's gonna be another day or two before they let everyone go home, and I think most of the crew will stop by here before heading off, so I guess you're gonna be swamped. Know how much you hate that, so why don't you wake up and save them all a trip huh? _

_ <pause> _

_ <sigh> _

_ I guess not. _

_ <pause> _

_ Day six. No sign of security coming for me, so guess I'm home free. I think the hospital staff's getting sick of me hanging around, but they're too nice to tell me that. Don't know where else I'd go if they do decide to throw me out. Don't _ want _to be anywhere else._

_ The Captain commed me this morning. They were letting everyone go this afternoon. All the Maquis were pardoned and those who decided to stay in Starfleet were permitted, those who decided to go, well, guess they'll go home. Still don't know who's staying and who's going, so I can't tell you that. Everyone's got a few month's leave before they have to decide what to do. _

_ The engineers at the research department couldn't wait to get their hands on _ Voyager _. Sure as hell hope they put her back together after they're done with her. B'Elanna will have their heads if they don't._

Chakotay had to smile at the image of the fiery half-Klingon engineer having a go at the geeks in the research and development center. They wouldn't know what hit them.

_ I know you're going to want to know this, should've told you earlier, but I've been a little preoccupied with something, or rather, someone else. You do understand that, don't you? _

He couldn't help but wonder what Tom was going to tell him. 

_ I did some checking this morning after the Captains called. Cha, your family's all right. They survived. _

Chakotay let out a gasp. How could he have forgotten about his family? He had been awake for almost two days and he hadn't even asked about them. Vaguely, he remembered Tom telling him that he had called his mother.

"What sort of a son am I?"

_ Your mother's fine, so are your brothers and sisters and most of their families, and that's as far as I got. It's kinda hard to track down family members when you don't have any last names to go by. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Sorry I couldn't find out more, Cha. _

"You already did better than me, Tom," he muttered. His family had survived. They were all right.

_ So, why don't you wake up and tell me all about your uncles and aunts and all the other people you want to track down, and we can find ourselves a cozy little computer terminal somewhere and do just that? _

_ <pause> _

_ Guess not. _

_ <pause> _

_ God, Chakotay. You have to wake up. Don't leave me here, please. _

The anguish he could hear in Tom's voice nearly broke his heart.

"Spirits, Tom. Computer, pause playback."

He sat, starring blankly at the wall, wondering how much more pain his Angel had gone through while he was blissfully unconscious.

"Hey."

He was brought back to Earth by a touch on his shoulder.

"You all right?" Tom's concerned gaze met his eyes.

"Tom."

A name, a plea, a declaration.

The younger man seemed to know exactly what he needed and he was gathered into an embrace. One that was desperately needed.

"You listened to the files."

"Yes."

"So, how far have you gotten?" Words spoken softly against his ear.

"I believe you call it day six."

"Ahh... you're still in 'The Months of Hell' then. It _does_ get a little less depressing after that." Tom was looking at him with a reassuring smile.

"You mean you didn't spend the entire time in that chair moping and brooding away? I'm hurt."

A chuckle. Chakotay congratulated himself.

"You had no idea how much I wanted to do that." Tom admitted.

"But other people had other ideas, I gather?"

"Yeah, Harry, the Doc, B'Elanna, my _dad_ , and basically everyone who knew me and some who don't."

"Your father?" Apparently, he had a _lot_ to catch up with.

"Yeah, we kinda came to an understanding of sorts."

"That's good. I'm happy for you."

"Yeah, me, too."

"So, where were you?"

"Oh, just at the local community center. Promised the kids that I'd continue their story today, didn't want to disappoint them."

Community center? Kids? Chakotay raised an eyebrow in question.

"I volunteer twice a week at the center. Mostly with the kids. Telling stories, keeping them out of trouble while their parents are away doing," Tom made the signs of air quoting. "Grown up stuff."

"Ah... so that's what you've been doing."

"What did you think I've been doing?"

"Oh, I don't know. You said you weren't a stripper, so I knew that was out. I figured maybe a cook or something. Down at one of those cafe by the bay."

"Yeah, I do that on weekends. We mostly cater to tourists." Tom didn't miss a beat. "Gosh, Cha! Where the hell do you come up with all this crap?!" The pilot was laughing. "You do remember that I can't cook to save my life?"

"Yeah." He winked at the laughing man. After the heart-wrenching recording he heard, hearing Tom laugh was reassuring. "Thought you might've taken lessons from Neelix in your spare time."

"Then I pity the place that hires me. House special? Let's start with an entree leola root stew, follow by leola root casserole with some salad, leola root shake to wash it all down, and followed by dessert, leola root cake.  I'd close them down in three days!"

"I don't know about that, the Klingon might like it. Prove that they're braver than anyone else by eating the entire leola root feast." Chakotay replied. "And speaking of which, how is Neelix?"

"Having the time of his life visiting every single planet in the Federation. As the ambassador of the Delta Quadrant, he's been given free reign to roam the many corners of Federation space, and he's making good use of that freedom."

"Spirits, Tom, so much has happened. I feel like I've gone to sleep one night and woken up the next day only to find everything around me has changed overnight."

"In a sense, you did, Cha. Only you've been asleep for more than three years."

"Part of me is still insisting that we're in the Delta Quadrant back on Voyager, and it's just so... frustrating, to not know what's going on." He would have pounded his fist on the console next to the bed if hed had the strength.

"I know, Cha, I know. Give it time. You've only been awake for less than two days, you can't possibly catch up with everything thats happened in the last few years. Just think of it this way, you've been on a very long vacation and haven't been in contact with any of your friends, but now that you're back, you'll eventually catch up with everyone."

He let out a sigh, Tom was right. However, there was one flaw in his hypothesis. "Won't work, Tom, I'd bring you along if I was on vacation."

"Ok, fine, you were captured by aliens and I have only recently negotiated your release. Satisfied?"

"Yeah. Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"When can I get out of here?"

"Somehow, I knew you were going to ask me that."

"So?"

"So, Amy says in a week or so. She wanted to make sure everything's all right before she lets you go."

"A week?!"

"Hey, you've been here for more than three years, what's another week?"

"I was unconscious then, I'm not anymore."

\----------------------------------------

Day 1301

Paris Resident, Earth

\----------------------------------------

"You're home early."

Tom almost jumped up from the couch in shock. "Grandpa! Don't do that!"

"Not my fault that you were so lost in your own thoughts that you never noticed me coming in," former admiral Eugene Paris teased, settling himself down beside Tom.

"Sorry, I was just... thinking."

"So, why are you back? Normally you wouldn't leave until the nurses kick you out."

"Yeah, well, Chakotay told me I look like hell and ordered me home to sleep," Tom replied with a shrug.

"He's right, you do look like hell."

"Thanks," he replied wryly.

"What are you doing still up then?"

"Can't sleep. My mind won't stop thinking, wondering."

"Wondering? Let me guess, Chakotay?"

Tom let out a sigh.

"He is still the same person," his grandfather continued.

"I know, but now that we're back home.... His brothers hate my guts, and I know how important his family is to him."

"And you think that'll change the way he feels about you?"

Tom nodded, looking at the floor.

"If that's the case, then the man's not worth it," the elder Paris stated.

"Grandpa!" The floor was immediately forgotten and his attention was completely on his grandfather.

"Don't 'Grandpa' me, Tom. You know it's true. You've stayed by his side for the last three and a half years; you've been there with him since day one; you haven't had a date or gotten laid since he got himself comatose. What more can he ask for?"

"Hey!" Tom couldn't believe what his grandfather had just said.

"I'm just stating the facts, Tom. Unless, that is you've been sneaking around without"

"That's not the point!" he interrupted his grandfather.

"It's not?" The elder Paris seemed surprised. "Then do tell me what exactly is the point then?"

"The point is that... is that...."

He didn't really know what it was.

"Exactly!" Eugene Paris exclaimed triumphantly. "If he thinks that his family is more important than you are, his loss, and you can chalk the last three and a half years up as a waste of time and go find yourself someone who's worthy of your love. From what I've heard about him, if he really loves you, he'd find a way to make his family accept you. Do you think he would choose his family over you?"

Could he compete with the people who had been a part of Chakotay's life since the day he was born? Would Chakotay give that all up for him?

"I don't know, Tom answered truthfully.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Chakotay woke with a start, Tom's name on his lips. He couldn't shake the feeling of being lost in a sea of mist that no one could find him in.

Taking a few deep breath, he calmed himself and tried to get back to sleep.

Minutes ticked by, but he was nowhere close to falling asleep.

Letting out a sigh, he instructed the computer to resume playback of the recording. He was surprised to hear Kathryn Janeway's voice coming through the hidden speakers.

_ Hello, Chakotay. I'd ask you how you're feeling, but... _

_ <pause> _

_ I'm sorry that this has happened. Maybe if we had been more prepared for the journey... if I hadn't been in such a rush to go through the wormhole, this might not have happened. _

_ Tom didn't say anything, but I know he blames himself for not being a better pilot, but the truth is, I'm to blame. I'm the captain, it was my responsibility. But you know Tom, he would never accept that. So, Commander, why don't you wake up and tell that pig-headed boyfriend of yours to stop feeling guilty over something that wasn't his fault. _

_ <pause> _

_ I _ can _make it an order if you prefer.... Or not._

_ <pause> _

_ Tom might have told you this, but I wanted to tell you personally that all the Maquis crew had been pardoned, and those who wished to remain in Starfleet would be able to do so, and that includes you, Chakotay. Of course, they would have to speak to you first before presenting you with that option. _

_ Ayala and Geron have decided to leave, B'Elanna's leaving her options open at the moment. You might be surprised to hear this, but Tuvok left. Said hed had enough of Starfleet. Of course, he didn't actually put it that way, but that was the gist of it. _

Tuvok left Starfleet? He had trouble seeing the security officer _not_ being in Starfleet. Chakotay couldn't help seeing the irony in it.

_ Seven's been offered a position at Research and Development, and she said she would "consider it." And yes, Neelix. He's an Ambassador now, and is absolutely enjoying all the attention he is getting. Sam Wildman said something after going through what we did in the Delta, the Alpha Quadrant wouldn't be too much of a challenge. Have to say that I agree with her. _

_ I'm not sure if Tom's been keeping you up to date with the news, but I thought you might be interested in today's gossip headline: Delta Heroes. Starfleet Prince and Maquis Captain; Romeo and Juliet? _

_ I'll let Tom fill you in with the details and you guys can sort out who's Romeo and who's Juliet. If he didn't mention anything about this, well, you'll just have to ask him when you wake up. _

_ I have to go now, Chakotay. My mother's waiting for me. I just needed to stop by and see you before I go. _

_ Be well soon. _

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

"Morning, gorgeous." Tom greeted him with a warm smile and a peck on the cheek.

"That's my good morning kiss?"

"Don't think it'll be a good idea to start anything. Doubt I'll be able to control myself." Tom gave him a wink.

"I fail to see why that would be a bad thing," he replied with a wink of his own, making Tom blush.

Tom blushing? There was definitely something wrong with the picture.

"Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"You're blushing."

"I am?" Tom sounded surprised. "Uh... guess I must be a little out of practice or something, the younger man replied with an embarrassed smile.

"Out of practice? Somehow, I never thought I'd see that day," he joked.

"You think I've been fooling around while you were comatose?"

Chakotay could hear the hurt and disbelief in Tom's voice and he mentally kicked himself. _Shit! I might not be able to walk without support yet, but I sure as hell didn't need help in getting my foot in my mouth!_ "Angel, I didn't mean that."

"Then what exactly did you mean?"

Chakotay cursed himself for putting more pain in Tom's life. "I just meant that it's part of your personality. Whether you realize it or not, you basically flirt with everyone you feel comfortable with. Well, except Harry."

"Yeah well, I haven't been in the mood for the last few years."

"Tom, I'm sorry. Spirits, I'm sorry for implying that you've been with someone else, I'm sorry for putting you through all the grief in the last few years. Gosh, Tom, I wouldn't have blamed you if you _had_ left."

It was the truth. Three and a half years was a long time to stay by someone's side, especially when it wasn't even known whether they would wake up or not.

"Cha, you remember the first time we made love?"

"You mean that time after that stupid bet you made with Harry and B'Elanna?"

"No, that was the first time we had sex. I mean after your encounter with chaotic space that nearly drove you nuts."

"Oh, _that_ time. Yeah, why?" Where was Tom going with this?

"Remember what I told you afterwards?"

He searched his memories.

_ As he returned to his senses after the most powerful climax he had experienced, he found Tom half sprawled on top of him, lazily kissing and touching wherever he could reach without moving too much. _

_ "You ok?" the pilot asked, not stopping his caresses. _

_ "Yeah, that was..." _

_ "Intense? Yeah. Got a little worried there for a moment after you passed out." _

_ "I did?" _

_ "Yep." Tom propped his head on one hand while the other continued tracing abstract patterns on Chakotay's chest, a teasing smile on his face. _

_ "Well, it was..." _

_ "Intense." _

_ "Yeah." _

_ He watched as Tom's expression got serious. _

_ "Tom?" _

_ He reached out and gently traced the contours of the other man's face. _

_ "You nearly scared me to death." _

_ "I'm sorry." _

_ "Not your fault. You couldn't help what those aliens were doing to you." _

_ Tom seemed to be struggling with himself. _

_ "Cha, I thought I was going to lose you. Especially after we found that other ship, I really thought..." _

_ "Tom..." _

_ "No, let me finish." He nodded, his hand now resting on Tom's arm. "The thought of losing you scares the crap out of me. Hell, I don't think I was ever that terrified in my life, and given what my life have been, I think that's saying something." Tom let out a nervous laugh; eyes following the path Chakotay's hand was taking down his arm before turning his attention back to the Commander. "Chakotay," he continued. _

_ "Yes?" _

_ "I think I'm in love with you." _

_ Chakotay's hand continued its journey down Tom's arm before finally meeting its mate on Chakotay's chest, holding their now joined hands against his heart. _

_ "Cha, say something will you?" _

_ "What do you want me to say?" he teased the younger man. "How about 'it's about damned time'?" he quickly added. _

_ The disappointment that was forming on Tom's face immediately changed to the brightest smile Chakotay'd ever seen. _

_ "You... stupid ass!" Tom wriggled his hand out of Chakotay's grasp and hit him on the shoulders. _

_ "Sorry, I couldn't resist. Someone's been a bad influence on me lately." _

_ "Does that mean you're getting rid of said someone?" _

_ "Absolutely not." _

_ "Good, 'cause you're not getting rid of me that easily." _

_ "Really?" _

_ "Yep. From now on, you're stuck with me." _

_ "For how long?" _

_ "Well, how does 'the rest of our lives' sound?" _

_ "I think it sounds great." _

_ He lifted Tom's hand from his shoulder and gave it a kiss before pulling the younger man towards him. _

"Yes, I remember."

"Good, 'cause I intend to fulfill that promise."

The door hissed open before Chakotay could come up with a reply. There was a blur of motions and within seconds, Chakotay found himself in the familiar embrace of his mother, and finding himself face to face with his brothers.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Starfleet Medical Gardens, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Tom had silently left the room, not wanting to intrude on the reunion that had been delayed for three and a half years. Chakotay's eldest brother, Beyvahl had given him a stare that told him that he wasn't wanted there.

Finding an empty bench facing the small pond in the garden, Tom sat down, wondering what was happening in Chakotay's room.

Out of all of Chakotay's family members he had met, the only one who hadn't begrudged his presence was his mother, Maria. He hadn't told any of them about his relationship with Chakotay, but he was sure that Maria knew about it. He wondered how Beyvahl and Nayib would react when they finally realised the nature of his relationship with Chakotay.

_ I would pay to see that if only it wasn't for the fact that Cha would be crushed. _

He let out a sigh. Starring at the ripples across the water surface, he prayed that Chakotay would be able to smooth things over with his family.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

By the time Chakotay had recovered from the shock of seeing his family again, Tom was nowhere to be found. "Where's Tom?" he asked.

"He went out after we arrived," Maria answered.

"Where did he go?"

"Does it matter?" Beyvahl. "I don't even know what he's doing here in the first place."

Chakotay could clearly see the contempt in his brother's expression.

"Bey!" His mother's warning tone caught the attention of his brothers.

"Bey's right, mother. He's a Paris, he has no business with our family." Nayib was clearly in agreement with Beyvahl.

He couldn't help thinking how much grief his family must have put Tom through while he was unconscious. _You have no idea how sorry I am, Angel, but I'll fix this, I promise._ "I wouldn't say that if I were you, Nayib."

"Chakotay, he might have been your subordinate on _Voyager_ , but now that you're back, and better, you can go your separate ways, we don't owe him anything." Beyvahl said.

"That's where you're wrong Bey, _you_ might not owe him anything, but _I_ owe him everything."

"I know he saved your life a few times, but that's part of the job in Starfleet. You don't owe him anything, Chakotay." Nayib, again on his eldest brother's side.

Chakotay shook his head and reached for the com button that connected him to the nurse station.

"Chakotay? Do you need something?" Nayib asked.

"Nothing you can help me with. Joan?" he addressed the nurse who had responded to his com. "Can you find Tom and ask him to come back?"

"Of course, Commander." Joan replied before leaving the room.

"Why would you want him here?" Beyvahl demanded.

"Why can't he be here?" Chakotay answered with a question of his own.

"Because we don't want his kind here." Nayib replied.

"Maybe the two of you should listen to what Chakotay is trying to tell you," his mother interrupted before the discussion could turn into a fight that Chakotay didn't have the energy for. He needed Tom beside him.

"And what exactly is it that you're trying to tell us?"

He never realised Nayib could be this demanding. _Must be spending too much time with Bey while I've been gone._ He was too tired to be beating around the bush. "I'm telling you that I love him."

Chakotay suspected there was more noise in the void of space than it was in the room. The hiss of the door opening finally broke the silence.

He watched as Tom took a look at the occupants and turned back out, muttering about bad timing.

"Tom."

His voice stopped the blond in his tracks, making the younger man turn back, facing the room. Looking at him, Tom seemed to have come to some sort of decision within himself. He walked pass his brothers and sat on the edge of the bed beside Chakotay.

Beyvahl and Nayib were strangely quiet, and Chakotay noticed a smile on his mother's face.

_ Ahh... so mama knows. This should make things easier. _

"You!" Beyvahl pointed a finger at Tom.

"Me?"

_ I love it when you play innocent, Angel. _

"What did you do to my brother?! Chakotay would never..."

"He would and he did."

Hearing the confidence in Tom's voice, Chakotay couldn't help but feel proud.

"Bey, Nayib, I know this is a shock, but I love Tom, and nothing, and I mean _nothing_ can change it. Tom's not who you think he is, if you would take some time, get to know each other, I know you'd change your mind."

He felt Tom's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Chakotay's right."

"Mother!" Nayib's outrage was mirrored in Beyvahl's expression.

"Do you know what the staff in the hospital tell me when I call every week?"

Chakotay was familiar with the tone of voice his mother was using, and he knew his brothers knew not to interrupt.

"They tell me not to worry, because Tom's taking care of Chakotay. Every week I call, they say the same thing. One day, I asked them how often Tom comes by, and you want to know what they told me?" She was looking at both Beyvahl and Nayib. "'Everyday,' they said. 'Tom comes by every day, rain or shine, sometimes just sitting there, sometimes reading.' I know he was here every day when we came to see Chakotay after _Voyager_ got back, but to come every day for three hundred sixty-five days a year, for three and a half years, not even me, his _mother_ , could claim to have done that. So boys, you tell me, would the man you have constructed in your mind do something like that?" she finished, still starring at his brothers who were strangely quiet.

"Mama, it's not your fault that you can't be here everyday," Nayib finally said.

"You think that if Chakotay had been transferred to Dorvan, that I'd be beside him everyday?"

"Yes."

"Well, Nayib, I'm not too sure about that myself," she turned her attention back to Chakotay. "Chakotay, you know I love you and couldn't be more proud of you, but..."

"I understand," and he did. He really didn't expect anyone to stay by his side through the entire three plus years, the fact that Tom actually did it only proved that he was beyond any expectations. He tightened his grip on Tom's hand.

Nayib looked at his mother, then at Beyvahl, at Chakotay and Tom, back at Maria, before finally resting his gaze at Tom. Tom met Nayib's gaze squarely, as though challenging the other man to question his love.

"You hurt him, and I'll make the Cardassian camps look like a vacation for you." Nayib finally broke the silence.

"Good." Tom replied.

"Bey?" Chakotay cast a questioning glance towards his eldest brother.

"I don't know what has gotten into you, Chakotay, but I know you won't listen to reason now, but I'm sure in time, you'll see the errors of your way. I can wait."

"Then youll probably have to wait a long time, Bey."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Paris Residence, Earth

\----------------------------------------

The kitchen counter seemed to have become his new thinking spot for the last few days and his grandfather noticed it.

"Thinking about Chakotay again?"

"Who else?" Tom replied with a wry smile.

"I really should meet this guy. Don't think I've ever seen you murder so many brain cells on one person, not even your father had warranted something like that. So, what did he do?"

"He told them."

"Ahh... and by 'them' you mean his mother and brothers who happened to be visiting today?" Tom nodded. "I take that it didn't went well?"

"I'm not too sure, but Maria's on our side, Nayib basically told me he'd kill me if I ever hurt Cha, and Beyvahl's just went nuts and told Chakotay he's making a mistake."

"And I take that you're going to prove him wrong?"

"You bet I am."

"So, what else is there to think about?"

What was there to think about?

"I don't know. I'm still trying to get over the fact that Chakotay actually choose me," he said, shaking his head. "He wanted me with him when he told them. He stood by us. Even after his brothers went nuts over the news, he stood by _us_! I just..." Tom let out a sigh, not sure how to continue. His grandfather was sitting right opposite him, looking.

"Isn't that exactly what you wanted?"

"I just never expected to get it."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1302

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Despite his tiredness from the day's physiotherapy, Chakotay couldn't seem to fall asleep.

_ Probably slept enough in the last three years. _

He closed his eyes, willing his brain to shut up, but it didn't seem to give any regard to Chakotay's wishes. Instead, it was having a fun time replaying the last conversation he had with Bey before he left for the night.

_ "Chakotay, you're making a mistake." _

_ "I thought we covered this?" _

_ Nayib and Tom had left earlier, and hed sent his tired mother back to the hotel for the night. It was just Bey and himself in the room. _

_ "I don't think you know what you're doing, brother. You've just spent the last three years in a coma, it's understandable that you'd be" _

_ "Don't even go there, Bey. And for your information, my relationship with Tom started long before this happened. I loved him then, and after knowing what he did for me all these years, the only thing I can do is love him more, not less." _

_ "Chakotay, it's _ Paris _we're talking about! Before you disappeared you didn't seem to hold a very high opinion of him."_

_ "What can I say? I was wrong. And a lot can happen in seven years." _

_ "A leopard cannot change its spot, Chakotay." _

_ "But did you ever bother looking past its spot, Bey?" _

Chakotay took a deep breath, ordered his mind to shut up, and instructed the computer to continue playback of the data rod.

_ Day nine. I hate today. Your mother and brothers finally got here. Don't think they liked me much. Well, at least not your brothers, Maria was nice. And I definitely see a family resemblance there. _

_ <pause> _

_ They wanted to move you back to Dorvan Cha. I can't let them do that. I told Amy I didn't want you moved and she told them that. Beyvahl wasn't too happy about that, I can tell you. Asked them what right the hospital had to detain you. Amy had to tell them that even though they're your family, they didn't have power of attorney. She didn't tell them I was the one calling the shots though, and boy am I grateful for that! I really don't want to get into a custody fight with them. _

Chakotay had a feeling that the first meeting between Tom and his family was similar to their encounter this morning.

_ <sigh> _

_ You do know that if they do transfer you back to your home planet, I'd follow, right? And they would probably figure it out then. And it's not that I don't want to tell them, Cha, it's just... I don't think it's my place to say anything, and after that stare your brothers gave me after I introduced myself, well, you know, I like my face the way it looks. _

_ <pause> _

_ God, Cha. For the first time in who knows how long, I'm praying. I'm actually praying. I don't want you to leave. I know that's selfish of me, but I can't help it. I need you. And besides, Starfleet Medical _ does _have the best medical equipments in the entire quadrant, so I guess I'm not_ entirely _thinking of myself._

_ And yeah, they finally kicked me out. Told me I've been spending way too long here and I'd be better off at home or something. I guess they didn't know that home is wherever you are. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Dad found me here after your mother left. Now you know why I hate today so much. Too much emotional trauma. _

_ I know, I know, you're thinking 'big, ugly fight' right? Well, it wasn't. After Beyvahl and Nayib, I just didn't have the energy for it. I asked him what did he want, but he didn't really answer me. Told me it was my grandfather who wanted him to come over and try to patch things up. _

_ Apparently Grandpa's moved in with Dad after some accident or other. I'll need to talk to him to see how he got Dad to come over. _

_ He told me I could move back home if I wanted to, and I took him up on the offer. Wasn't as though there's anywhere else I could go, seeing that the nurses kicked me out of here. _

_ I guess things are a little better between us. I only wish you could wake up and see it for yourself, Cha. _

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1303

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Chakotay woke up only to find that it was barely dawn, images from his dream fading away from his mind despite his attempt to recall them. The only thing he remembered was that he had had the same dream the night before.

Knowing that it was futile to try going back to sleep, he instructed the computer to continue playback.

_ Day fourteen, but who the fuck's counting? Sure as hell not me. No siiiir. _

_ <pause> _

Tom sounded a little hysterical.

_ <sigh> _

_ How are you doing in there, Cha? If you can hear me right now, you'd notice that I'm not doing that well. Want me to tell you why? Well, if you can't figure it out yourself, I'm not going to tell you! _

_ <pause> _

_ Fuck! Didn't mean to blow up at you like that. I know it's not your fault. Hell! It's _ my _fault that we're even in this mess! Cha, please wake up. Tell me you forgive me for this. Please._

Kathryn had been right.

"Not your fault, Tom, not your fault," he whispered to the empty room, vowing to tell Tom the same thing when he showed up later.

_ God, I miss you so much. I keep on waking up in the middle of the night looking for you, and when I can't find you, I panic. God, I didn't tell you this, but Grandpa was up with insomnia or something a couple of nights ago, and heard something, so, like the good Starfleet Officer that he is, he investigated. Found me crying in the room. _

_ Would've been damned embarrassing if it didn't hurt so much. _

_ Please Cha, wake up. Two weeks. You remember what you said two weeks ago? You have to wake up, you promised damn it!! _

_ <choke> _

_ <sob> _

_ It wasn't supposed to be this way, not like this, never like this. Please, Cha. Wake up, wake up, wake up. You promised. _

"Computer, pause playback," Chakotay ordered, fighting down his own tears.

It was the first time Chakotay had heard Tom crying while talking to him. Two weeks of fear and frustration... two weeks...

"Spirits, two weeks!"

The significance of the date finally registered in his mind.

_ He could see the surprise in the pilot's eyes as he stepped into their candlelit quarters. _

_ "So, what's the occasion?" the blond asked. _

_ "Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out." _

_ "Riiight. I hope you're not doing something cheesy." _

_ "What has cheese got to do with anything?" It wasn't the first time hed gotten confused over Tom's use of slang. _

_ "Not cheese, cheesy! It's a late twentieth century term meaning tacky. The younger man shook his head at Chakotay's lack of understanding. _

_ "Ahh.... And what would qualify as something 'cheesy'?" _

_ "Well, if you proposed to me right now, I'd think that's pretty cheesy." Tom said with a shrug. _

_ Chakotay saw his chance. "So, what would you say to such a cheesy proposal then?" _

_ "What do you mean?" _

_ "Exactly what I said. What would you say if I asked you to marry me right now?" _

_ Tom was looking at him with confusion, then his eyes widened in shock and understanding. "You can't be... I mean... Are you _ serious _?!"_

_ Chakotay repeated his question, too nervous to be nervous about Tom's reply. He wasn't sure how he could be too nervous to be nervous, but that was what it felt like. "Haven't been more serious in my life. So, would you marry me?" _

_ "I... I... uhh... Are you serious?!" _

_ "I think we've covered that. I'm serious, and I'm really asking you to marry me. _

_ Tom was still starring at him with shock. _

_ "So, would you please give me an answer before I suffer a nervous breakdown?" _

_ "What? Oh. Okay." _

_ "Okay?" Wasnt he supposed to say 'yes'? What kind of answer was 'ok'? _

_ "Yeah, okay, I'll marry you." Tom had a big smile on his face. _

_ "Aren't you supposed to say 'yes'?" _

_ "Well, you had the cheesy proposal, doesn't mean I have to give a cheesy answer." _

_ "You'll pay for that." _

_ "Really?" A mischievous smile that Chakotay easily recognised. _

_ "Ohh... you're not getting off _ that _easily, Angel. For that, I'm going to give Neelix an entire two weeks to prepare for the wedding. I'm sure he can come up with something that would suit your taste," he answered with a mischievous smile of his own._

_ "Two weeks?! But that means _ you _would have to suffer through Neelix's feast, too!"_

_ "It'll be worth it." _

_ "Can't we do it tomorrow?" _

_ "Anxious, aren't we?" Chakotay laughed at Tom's expression. _

_ "Never thought I'd say this, but, hell, yeah!" _

_ "Sorry, Angel. I figure it will just be enough time to get everyone prepared in two weeks. Don't worry, I'll still want to marry you in two weeks time, I promise." _

_ "Fine. Two weeks it is then. So, what are you gonna do in the mean time?" Tom's hands were on his hips, pulling him closer. _

_ "Well, in the mean time..." Chakotay closed the distance between them and kissed his fiancé. _

_ "Senior officers to the bridge." The Captain's voice interrupted. _

_ "Damn," both men swore. _

_ "Guess this will have to wait till later," Chakotay commented before both of them rushed out the door. _

"Later. This is later all right. Three and a half years worth of later." Chakotay murmured, eyes closed and wishing Tom was by his side.

"Computer, resume playback."

_ Damn it, wake up Cha! You promised me, two weeks! You can't back out now! You can't. I won't let you. _

_ <sniff> _

_ <pause> _

_ You know what? I'm not letting you off this easily. I don't care what'll happen when you wake up, but from now on, today, the seventeenth of December would be our wedding day. No one else might know about it, but I know it, you know it, that's enough for me. So, congratulations, Cha, we just got married. _

_ <pause> _

_ You have any idea how much I love you? God, I miss you so much it hurts. It hurts, Cha. _

_ <pause> _

_ I need to go now. Wish I could spend the night, I mean, it _ is _our wedding night, but Marge is ready to throw me out. And by the way, Marge's the night shift nurse. You really don't want to cross her._

_ So, good night, Cha. Sleep well. _

"Computer, stop playback."

How could he have forgotten that he was engaged to Tom? To him, it had only happened four days ago, he should have remembered. The doctors had said that there wasn't any damage to his memories, he had no excuse not to remember.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Tom's voice startled him.  "I didn't hear you come in."

"Looks to me as though you wouldn't notice if a shuttle crashed right in here." Tom gave him a kiss before settling down next to him. "So?"

"Do you always get here this early? What time is it anyway?"

"Most of the time, and it's almost seven. So?" Tom repeated.

"I'm sorry," he blurted.

"What for?" the pilot looked confused.

"Everything."

"Hey," Tom gathered him into a familiar embrace. "Nothing to be sorry for, it's not your fault that it happened, and for your information, many people have tried to convince me that it's not my fault either."

"Did they succeed?" Chakotay rested his head on the other man's shoulder.

"I'm getting there."

"I'm sorry."

"Okay, what was that one for?"

"For breaking my promise, for forgetting."

"Cha?"

"I made you a promise before we found that wormhole, I remember that now. I don't know why I didn't before, but I do remember it now, and I'm sorry..."

"For not remembering it sooner? Gosh, Cha, do you realize how... how... _stupid_ that sounds? You were in a _coma_ for the last few years as a result of a head injury, there's bound to be some bits and pieces out of place in that head of yours."

"But the doctors..." Chakotay protested.

"Said you're _going_ to be fine. You still need time to heal, Cha. Don't beat yourself up over something that isn't your fault. And trust me, as soon as you're well enough, I'm holding you to that promise."

He felt Tom press a kiss on the top of his head. "I thought you already did."

"I did?"

"Does the date seventeenth of December sound familiar to you?"

"Yeah. Our supposed wedding day."

"Not supposed, Angel. It is."

Chakotay felt Tom's arms tightened against him, and he relaxed into the embrace. It was how his mother and brothers found them an hour later, asleep.

  


\-------------------------------------------

Day 1305

Department of Physiotherapy SFM, Earth

\-------------------------------------------

"Spirits, I hate this!"

"Just a few more days, Cha." Tom smiled indulgently as he helped a sweaty Chakotay back into his wheelchair. "And look on the bright side, you've made progress."

"Yeah, I can walk across the room without falling flat on my face." Chakotay replied with a snort. "Well, at least I'm getting out of here in the next couple of days."

"That you are."

"And I need a shower."

"That you do."

"A real shower, or a bath. Not a sonic shower."

"If that's you want." Tom smiled indulgently. Most people who only knew Chakotay as the stoic First Officer of _Voyager_ would be surprised at how much things he could whine about.

"Yes. That's what I want. Never knew walking across the room could be this trying."

Tom let out a laugh before pushing Chakotay towards the lift. "Well, you've never stay still for more than three years either, so there."

"I guess its is still better than yesterday."

"God, don't remind me. I don't think I've seen so many people cramped in one small space before." Tom shook his head as they got into the lift. "Tenth floor," he ordered.

"They meant well though," Chakotay replied.

"I know, but if anyone else asks 'how are you feeling' or some variation of it again, I think I might scream. There's only so many times a person can answer the same question without feeling like it's torture, or going through an interrogation."

"Maybe we should put up a sign. Make them read it before they can step into the room or something."

"Hmm...." Tom liked the idea.

The lift stopped and Tom wheeled Chakotay out and headed towards the room at the end of the hallway.

"Tom? I was kidding." Chakotay sounded worried.

"I'm not."

"You aren't really going to put up a sign are you?"

"It might help. Especially if the entire crew's going to stop by. Don't think it's going to stop Neelix though."

It might be more than three years since _Voyager_ had gotten back and everyone had gone their separate ways, but they would always be _Voyager's_ crew in Tom's mind. He had a feeling that it was the same for everyone else.

"Don't think _anything_ would stop Neelix," Chakotay chuckled.

With his help, Chakotay pushed himself up from the wheelchair to sit on the bed.

"You have a rest, I'll go run a bath." Tom patted Chakotay on the thigh before heading to the bathroom. His mind was going through all the places in the room where he could put up a sign for everyone to see.

Tom made sure the water was at the temperature the computer said it was before heading back to Chakotay's side. "Your highness, your bath awaits," Tom announced with a bow, making Chakotay laugh.

"It remains to be seen if it is satisfactory."

"Oh, I assure you, my prince, it most definitely would be the best bath on this side of the galaxy," Tom replied with a really bad English accent, helping Chakotay to his feet.

"What if it isn't?"

"Then you'd be the most fastidious bastard in the entire quadrant."

"You're that confident?"

"Nah. I just know you're easy."

Both men burst out laughing.

With little difficulty, Tom removed Chakotay's clothing and helped lower the other man into the bath. Chakotay let out a contented sigh.

"See, knew you were easy," he replied, smiling at the figure before him. It had been a long time since he felt this happy.

"If you say so." Chakotay closed his eyes and laid his head against the tub.

"So, I was thinking," Tom said, rolling up his sleeves. "We could move the chair right in front of the door and put a sign up there, or I could get a large piece of paper and stick it on the wall right behind the bed. What do you think?"

He lifted Chakotay's right arm from the water and started to massage the limb, loosening the muscles. The movement was so familiar to him that it was almost second nature.

"I think you're crazy."

"Hey, you were the one who suggested it."

"I was joking!"

"Well, joke or not, the idea's stuck in my head, so it's still your fault."

Done with the right arm, Tom moved down and reached for Chakotay's right leg.

"You know, it might be easier if you just join me in here." Chakotay suggested, finally opening his eyes.

"Me in a tub with you, naked. Not a good idea."

"Are you sure?"

Tom saw the playful glint in Chakotay's eyes.

_ God, no! At least, not _ now!

"Cha, I don't think I can stop myself if..."

A sly smile he had missed so much appear on the other man's face. "Who said anything about stopping?"

"Just give it a few more days, so you're feeling stronger, all right?"

"I feel fine."

"And we're in a hospital," Tom tried his best to deter Chakotay.

"So?" Chakotay wriggled his foot.

"So, your mother could walk in on us. She said she was going to come by after your session. Still think that it's a good idea?"

"Damn, forgot about that. Might make things more exciting though."

"God, you're hopeless!" Tom laughed. "And I love you for it."

_ Hmm...a compromise then. _

He gently lowered Chakotay's leg back into the water before moving back up to kiss the other man on the lips. Tom felt his fiancé's lips part under his, a tongue darted out to welcome him. He moaned at the long lost familiarity of it all.

"Oh my! Sorry! Don't mind me, I'll just be going back out now."

Tom broke the kiss and turned around to see Maria's retreating back.

"Damn." Chakotay cursed. "Five more minutes and I would've gotten you naked and in the tub!"

"Chakotay!"

Tom had almost forgotten how shameless Chakotay could be.  

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1306

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

For the sixth night in a row, Chakotay woke up feeling as though he ought to remember his dream. But no matter how hard he tried, other than a vague sense of being lost, it refused to come back to him.

At first, Chakotay had thought it was his subconscious way of dealing with the coma, but after almost a week of the same dream, he knew it was more than that.

_ At least I _ think _it's the same dream._

He wished he had his medicine bundle with him, he really needed to meditate.

"Computer, resume playback of recording," he ordered.

It had turned into a nightly ritual for him. He would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep, and would listen to Tom's recordings, sometimes for hours. At times, it was almost too painful to listen to the entries for the first month, but as Tom promised, it did seem to be getting a little better as the days gone by.

Chakotay was grateful for the recordings, to be able to _know_ exactly what Tom had gone through. Tom had been so unguarded in his emotions that Chakotay had a feeling the other man was not aware that he was being taped.

_ Hey Gorgeous. Just in case you're wondering, it's day forty-seven. Yeah, almost two months since we got back. _

_ <sigh> _

_ On the news front, after weeks of debate, they finally found the Doc to be sentient and granted him the rights and privileges of being one of us. God knows why it took the committee this long. I mean, spend a couple hours with him and you would have to come to the conclusion that no program can be as annoying as the Doc, right? _

_ So, now Doc's re-facing the dilemma of choosing a name for himself. Personally, I think he looks like a Robert, but he didn't like it. It _ is _his name, so I guess he does get a say in it. You know, I just realised how unfair that is. He gets to choose his name while we're stuck with whatever our parents gave us. Maybe I might go change my name. Robert Eugene Paris. How does that sound? No?_

_ And yeah, Harry said hi. He finally called last night. His parents haven't let him out of their sight ever since we got back. He said it felt good at first, to know that they still care for him, but after the first week or so, it was driving him up the wall. _

Chakotay could easily imagine the situation Harry had found himself in and he smiled at the image.

_ He didn't dare to say anything to them though, thought it might hurt their feelings, but after more than a month, he finally had enough and told them he needed some space.  He said he was so terrified over how they'd react that he almost got sick. _

_ <laugh> _

_ <sigh> _

_ He's grown so much over the last seven years, but deep down, Harry will always be Harry, the eternal optimist and ruler of the gossip mill. _

_ On the home front, Dad and I had a heart to heart last night. At least a close approximation of one. I never thought it would happen, but he's been pretty understanding about everything. He did asked me a question that I haven't...that I _ didn't _want to consider. He asked me what I'd do if you never woke up._

_ I couldn't answer him, Cha. Because I haven't a clue what I would do if you don't wake up. _

_ <pause> _

_ But that's all moot right? You will wake up right? Please do, Cha. I really don't know how I'd go on without you. _

_ <pause> _

_ Guess what? It's day forty-eight. _

_ I've pretty much told you everything that happened recently, but what's going on in that head of yours, Cha? Where are you? Why are you still in there? Why won't you wake up? Why won't you come back to me? _

_ <sigh> _

_ <pause> _

_ Day forty-nine. I really think I should stop counting, but I can't seem to help myself. The still yet to be named Doc said it might be a sign that I should seek professional help, and as usual, I'm ignoring him. Yeah, he's been around lately. This is Starfleet Medical after all. He's trying to decide between perusing a career in research, medicine, or a writer. Personally, I think he should go into research. After all those sessions of his presentation, I don't think I would want to read any of his work, and even after seven years, his bedside manners still sucks. _

_ Cha, remember when you taught me to find my animal guide? Well, I tried it last night. He... She... It.... I can never figure out what exactly he, she or it is. I think I'll stick with  'him'. Anyway, he told me you were lost and that you couldn't find your way back. I asked him how can I get you back, and he said that in my heart, I already know the answer. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Why are they always so cryptic? _

"Computer, pause playback." Chakotay ordered, his heart racing.

His dream.

Every time he woke up, he couldn't shake the feeling of being lost. Was Tom's experience with his spirit guide related to his dreams? But how was it possible? Yet, his instincts were telling him he was on the right track.

"Computer, resume playback."

_ Morning, Cha, it's the fiftieth day since we got back. Beautiful day today, too bad I'm not in the mood to appreciate it. _

_ Couldn't sleep last night. Not that I've been sleeping well in the first place without you by my side. Can't stop thinking about what my animal guide told me. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Don't think I ever told you who or what exactly my guide is. Honestly, I haven't quite figured it out myself. The closest being I can think of is the phoenix. He's so... unearthly that even his voice is like nothing I've ever heard, and sometimes, when he gets excited or something, he glows. So, now you know why I can't figure out if he's a he or she or it. I've asked him about it, but he just laughed. _

_ But I digress. _

_ I was up all night, thinking. He told me you were lost, and that in my heart, I know what to do. And I guess I do. I should go find you, but how? _

_ <pause> _

_ You know, if you'd just wake up right now, it'll definitely save me a lot of headache, not to mention all the sleepless nights I've been having. _

_ <pause> _

Chakotay had a feeling that the answer he was seeking was close.

_ Day fifty-one. Your mother called me last night, Cha. Surprised the hell outta me since no one from your side of the family seem to like me very much. I don't blame them though, Starfleet ran out on them, and since the Paris name is basically synonymous with Starfleet... _

_ <pause> _

_ Maria said she's contacted a local Shaman who's willing to come all the way over and perform some healing rituals or something like that. She didn't really get into any details. They should arrive in a couple of days or so. _

_ Have a feeling that she's going to try to get you transferred back to Dorvan V again. _

Chakotay could only imagine what Tom and his mother had gone through regarding that issue.

_ <sigh> _

_ Guess I'll have to cross the bridge when I come to it. On the other hand, you could just wake up and save all of us the trouble... Or not. _

_ <pause> _

_ Day fifty-two and it's awfully bright outside. You would've loved it. _

_ <pause> _

_ I tried it last night. Tried finding you. Figured if you're in a coma, you might be in some place like the dreamscape or something like that. Did what you taught me, meditation and all that, and I think I actually _ got _there. Problem was, I couldn't find you. Hell! I almost couldn't find myself! With all the doors around, that place was like a maze. Believe it or not, one of them even open up to a Borg cube... or sphere. Couldn't really tell from the inside._

_ I know I found the right door. It was the only one where I can't see anything. It was so dark, and the whole place was filled with this thick mist. _

His heart pounded.

Mist.

It was the only thing, apart from feeling lost, that he remembered from his dreams. Tom had been there with him.

_ I tried to find you, Cha. I must've screamed your name for hours, but you never answered me. Why didn't you answer me? Don't you want to come back? To the Alpha quadrant, to your mother and brothers and sisters. Don't you want to come back to me? _

Chakotay could tell that Tom was barely holding himself together.

_ I'm not giving up this easily. I'm going back again tomorrow. Hell, if I wasnt not feeling this tired right now, I'd go back tonight. And I won't stop trying until you come back. _

_ <pause> _

_ Chakotay, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm hoping that you can. _

He was surprised to hear his mother's voice. Maybe he shouldn't have been since Tom did mentioned she was coming.

_ Do you remember Wapasha? _

The name brought forth an image of a middle-aged man who had been a good friend of his father's and a healer.

_ He was here today and he performed a healing ritual on you. I asked him to heal your wounds and bring you back to us, but after the ritual, he said you wounds weren't really physical. So I asked him, "then why isn't he awake?" _

_ "He's lost in the mists." It was Tom who answered, and imagined my surprise when Wapasha agreed with him. _

Chakotay smiled. His mother always had a unique way of making everything sound like a story.

_ I didn't really understand what they meant, but Wapasha explained it soon enough. _

_ "Chakotay is lost in the dreamscape. Trapped, and cannot find his way out. I'm unable to reach him. Truthfully, I don't know if anyone can." _

_ "What if he never finds the way out?" I asked, fearful of the answer I knew I was going to get. _

_ "Then he will remain the way he is." Wapasha confirmed my fears. All I wanted to do was to find a nice private place and cry my eyes out, but Tom had other ideas. _

_ "No," he said. "I'll find him. I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to find him and drag him back out, screaming and kicking, if I have to." _

_ "It is a dangerous path," Wapasha warned. "You might lose yourself in his dreamscape." _

_ "It's a risk I'm ready to take." _

_ "Very well then. May the Spirits guide you." _

_ This was when I knew, Chakotay. When I realised how much Tom really loves you. I had no idea he was familiar with our ways, but you must have taught him, and you've taught him well. _

"He's a good student, Mama."

_ Tom never said anything to me, but the way he acted around you, how he's always by your side, the things he knew about you, and the way he _ looks _at you, like you're his whole world. I must have been blind to not notice this before, it was so obvious to anyone who cared to look, his love for you._

_ I am happy for you, my son, to have found someone who loves you as much as Tom obviously does. It is a truly rare gift. _

_ And now, I think I know who was against the decision of transferring you back home. You must feel the same way for him too, to give him the power of life and death over you. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Despite both your brothers' insistence that I do this, and thank the Spirits that they aren't here, I'm not going to have you transferred back home. I don't think I can do a better job than what Tom's already doing. _

_ He's always so sad whenever I see him, Chakotay. It might be strange for me to say this about someone with his family background, but I completely understand. _

_ Only you finding your way back can put a smile back on his face again. So, hurry up and get back up. _

_ <pause> _

_ Well, it's day fifty-three. _ It was Tom again.

_ Your mother was here earlier with the healer. I was hoping so hard, praying that it would work, but it didn't. I think he faced the same problem I did, only difference is, I'm gonna keep trying until I succeed. Or until I get lost in your head. _

_ I was waiting for Maria to tell me she was going to transfer you back to Dorvan, but she never mentioned it. I'm not about to question why, just glad that she didn't. _

_ <sigh> _

_ What are you doing in there, Cha? You've always been a pretty good tracker, why can't you find your way out? _

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1306

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

Tom watched Chakotay's sleeping form, his hand resting on the other man's arm.

An assurance.

_ Now that you're awake, they're going to bring you home tomorrow. No more excuses. God, how the hell am I supposed to deal with your _ entire _family?! Do you even want me to be there?_

_ Why do I have to fall in love with a guy who comes along with a huge family who happens to hate me? Never the easy way eh, Tommy boy? _

The body beneath his hand moved. Tom turned his attention back to Chakotay.

"Good morning," he greeted the waking man with a customary morning kiss.

"Mornin'."

"Slept well?"

"Not really."

Tom raised an eyebrow at the unexpected responds.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Been having this reoccurring dream. Always wakes me up in the middle of the night," Chakotay replied, fighting a yawn.

"You never said anything."

"Thought it would go away."

"But it didn't?"

Tom helped Chakotay up as the older man slowly made his way to the bathroom.

"Nope. Kinda figured it out though."

"You did?"  

"I think so. Damn, I hate this."

He was by Chakotay's side in an instant as the other man's legs threatened to give up while he washed his hands.

"Easy there, big guy. Give it a couple more weeks and you'd be good as new."

"That's a couple weeks too long," Chakotay grumbled, shuffling his way back to the bed. "As a matter of fact, it's already six days too long."

He smiled at Chakotay's impatience. He didn't blame him for it; he knew he would've been in a worse mood if their positions were reversed.

Maria arrived just as Chakotay settled back down on the bed.

"Where's Bey and Nayib?" Chakotay asked.

"They have some things to take care off before we leave tomorrow."

"I can't wait to get out of here!"

"Yeah, yeah," Tom teased. "I've heard that a few thousand times in the last few days." Before anyone could reply to his statement, the door hissed open, and B'Elanna Torres ran into the room at top speed, only stopping when she nearly collided with Tom.

"Whoa! Slow down! Chakotay's not going anywhere soon," he reached out to steady the half-Klingon before hugging her in greeting. "Took you long enough to get here."

"You try getting a transport from DS-Nine to Earth this time of the year and see if you can get anywhere fast. Another couple hours of waiting, I would've built my own ship to get here," B'Elanna replied with a smile before turning to Chakotay. "So, how..."

"Wait," he interrupted. "Don't ask that, please. Just look," he pointed towards a spot above Chakotay's bed.

"'We're fine, thank you. Details? Go ask the Doc,'" B'Elanna read out loud. "You have a _sign_?!" she asked in disbelief.

Chakotay burst out laughing.

"I can't believe you put up a _sign_!"

"B'Elanna, you would do the same thing if everyone who came asked you the same question over and over and over and over..."

"All right, I get the picture." She finally noticed Maria sitting beside the bed. "Maria, it's nice to see you again."

"And you looked even more beautiful than the last time I saw you." Maria greeted, looking contented to just sit and watch.

"So, what have you been doing at DS-Nine?" Chakotay asked.

"They needed someone with experience in integrating alien technology with Federation technology, so they thought I might be able to help. Frankly, what I think they need is more manpower to maintain the system, or the whole thing would just... and I did not come here to talk engineering."

"You didn't?" Chakotay asked with a smile. "You'd usually just go on and on."

"Yeah well, I've learned that not everyone likes to hear about engineering. So, is that sign above your head true?"

"Yes, I'm fine. As a matter of fact, I'm getting out of here tomorrow."

"Glad to hear it. I've missed you."

"I would say the same thing, but to me, I just saw you a week ago." Chakotay replied.

"And I still can't believe there's a sign above your head." B'Elanna shook her head and gave Tom a stare.

"Hey," he protested. "Don't blame me, it was Cha's idea."

"For some reason, I have trouble believing that."

"It's true! His exact words were 'Maybe we should put up a sign. Make them read it before they can step into the room or something.' It was a good idea."

"He was joking." B'Elanna said, standing beside Chakotay, her arms crossed.

"See, even B'Elanna knew that I was kidding." Chakotay agreed, his arms mimicking B'Elanna's position.

Tom laughed at the image the pair of them presented.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1306

Starfleet Medical Gardens, Earth

\----------------------------------------

"Sit down, Cha, before you topple over." Tom ordered.

His mother had left earlier, saying she didn't trust Bey and Nayib to pack.

"Spirits, I" Chakotay didn't get the chance to finish his sentence.

"Hate this. We've covered that earlier."

"Thank God, I'm getting out of here tomorrow."

"Yeah." Tom didn't sound too happy.

"Angel? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing, it's just that... it doesn't matter. You'll be home in a couple of days."

It was obvious to him that Tom's smile was forced. Suddenly, it all became clear to him. Chakotay mentally hit himself for not seeing it sooner.

"Yes, I'll be home in a couple of days with you by my side."

"Cha, I..."

"No arguments. You're coming with me and that's final."

"But..."

"No buts. If anyone doesn't like it, well, it's their problem. I want you with me. Please."

Tom let out a sigh. "Ok. But don't blame me if they decide to cast you out because you're consorting with the enemy," the younger man replied with a small smile.

"They won't, Angel."

"And what is it with you and that nickname anyway?" Tom's smile got a little brighter.

"What, you don't like it?"

"No, it's not that. I wouldn't have let you get away with it for more than two years if I didn't. Just that I never did get to ask you how the heck you came up with it."

"You're my Guardian Angel, always have been," he replied simply.

"Care to elaborate?"

He took a deep breath. "Tom, you were always there when I needed you the most. When I needed a pilot, you were there, when I needed someone to save my sorry ass on the Ocampa home world, you were there, when I needed someone to show me the true face of Seska, you did that, even when I didn't like you back then, you've always been looking out for me, right from the start. You are my Angel. And I have to stop before I make myself sick."

His Angel laughed. "Never let anyone tell you that you're not romantic."

"And speaking of romances, I've heard something about a news article about us right after we got back. Something about Romeo and Juliet?"

Tom groaned.

"Whomever it was who told you that is going to die a _very_ painful death."

Chakotay smiled. _This is going to be good._

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1306

Starfleet Medical, Earth

\----------------------------------------

They got back to his room to find an admiral waiting.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

_ Ahh... so this is the famous Admiral Owen Paris. _

He couldn't help feeling a sense of apprehension as he wondered what the admiral was doing there. Tom might have said that they had settled their differences, but Chakotay still had his doubts.

_ Looks younger than I thought. _

"I just wanted to come over and see how..."

"Dad," Tom interrupted, pointing at the sign above the bed. "Read that." 

"'We're fine, thank you. Details? Go ask the Doc.' Now why am I not surprised that you'd do something like that?" Owen Paris looked at Tom and shook his head. "Commander Chakotay, I had hoped that you'd be able to keep my son in check, but I can see you're having the same troubles I had," he continued.

"You know Tom, once he get an idea in his head..." Chakotay replied carefully, not sure what to expect of the elder Paris.

"Hey, if the both of you haven't noticed, I'm standing right here." Tom protested.

"Question is, how can we _not_ notice?" the Admiral teased.

"Are you implying something?"

"You know I never imply when I can say it outright, Tom, your ego is too big for this room," the Admiral finally turned his attention back to Chakotay. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Commander. I've heard a lot of things about you. Sometimes, more than I needed to know." He indicated Tom with a cocking of his head and flashed a pained smile at Chakotay. 

Chakotay returned the smile in spite of his doubts. It was clear where Tom inherited his charming personality.

_ The man can charm the Ferengies into giving him all their latinums. _

"Dad, you still haven't answered my question. What are you doing here?"

"There're two reasons for my visit," Owen Paris directed his answer to Chakotay. "First is official. They want me to conduct the interview you missed three and a half years ago."

"And the second?" Chakotay asked.

"The second is personal. But let's get the official business out of the way first. Tom, if you would excuse us."

"Right. Cha, if you need anything, I'll be right outside."

"Don't worry, Tom, I don't bite... much."

"And that's just really comforting," Tom muttered on his way out. "Thank God, Grandpa isn't here." The door hissed shut behind the younger Paris, leaving the Admiral and him alone.

"So, what does HQ want to know?" he asked, his doubts over the other man slowly dissipating after seeing the interaction between father and son, but he was still wary of the admiral.

"Nothing much, this is really just a formality. We've already gone through all of _Voyager's_ logs, so I doubt there's nothing much you could add. Of course, we would welcome any input you might have on the subject."

Chakotay nodded.

"What we do want to know is, what are your plans for the future?" Owen Paris continued.

What were his plans? Go home to Dorvan V, spend some time with his family, with Tom. What then?

"Frankly, I haven't given that much thought. I've been spending most my time playing catch up since I woke up."

"I understand. Starfleet Command is willing to ratify Captain Janeway's decision if you decide to stay."

"Admiral, I really can't say at this time. So many things have happened since we got back, and...."

"And you need time to think things through. Very well then, your current status will remain unchanged until you make up your mind."

"I can live with that. And you mentioned a second reason why you're here?"

"Yes. I wanted to meet you."

"Why?"

"Because he wanted to meet the man who captured his son's heart." Another voice answered from behind him.

Chakotay turned around to find an old man shuffling into the room with Tom's support and the help of a cane.

"Sorry, Dad, but you know what he's like."

"It's all right, official business's done anyway."

"Cha, meet Eugene Paris, my grandfather. Grandpa, Chakotay." Tom completed the introduction.

"So, you're the Chakotay, eh?"

_ The Chakotay? _

"I guess that's me. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Paris."

"I like him, he's polite." Eugene Paris commented with a wink to Owen. "And you can call me Grandpa." The last statement was directed back at Chakotay. "I hope that despite the differences between our families, you won't hold any grudges against us. I know my son has done some pretty stupid things in his career,"

"Father!" Owen Paris protested, but the eldest member of the Paris clan ignored his son.

"And it's probably easier said than done, but I do hope that since you and Tom are..." The eldest Paris was interrupted when a towering nurse burst into the room at wrap speed, yelling at the top of her lungs. "Admiral Paris! No, not you, your father." She clarified when she saw Owen's perplex expression. "How many times have I told you _not_ to wander off before the tests are completed?! Doctor Mahoney is furious!"

"Mahoney's always furious at something," the old man dismissed the nurse's claim with a wave.

"Grandpa, you really should go back." Tom had taken a step back when the nurse had charged into the room.

"You should listen to your grandson," the nurse chided.

"What? I can't take a side trip to see my future grandson in-law?" Eugene Paris protested as the nurse led him out of the room.

_ Grandson in-law? _

"One last thing!" Eugene Paris yelled through the closing doors. "You treat him well you hear me?! Or I'll beat you to death with my cane even if I have to get Picard and his android to help track you down!"

"Grandpa!" "Father!"

It was the first time Chakotay had seen an Admiral dealing with his father and being mortified with the experience. He liked Eugene Paris.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1308

_ The Avalon, _ en route to Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Tom wished he was the one piloting the ship even though it was only a passenger transport. He watched the stars cruising by at warp six, their familiar sight sending a sense of longing through his heart.

"Something wrong?" Chakotay came up behind him.

"Nothing. Just watching the stars."

"They aren't that fascinating."

"They are if you haven't seen them in a while."

Try as he might, Tom couldn't take his eyes off the stars. He could see Chakotay's confusion reflected on the window.

"Three and a half years?" The older man asked.

"Yeah."

He saw Chakotay's reflection move closer and then felt the other man hugging him from behind. Tom relaxed into the embrace, letting out a contented sigh.

"You're something else, Angel. No one, and I mean _no one_ has done anything like that for me," Chakotay whispered into his ear.

Tom could hear the barely constrained emotions in Chakotay's voice.

"It's nothing," he replied.

"Nothing? You sacrificed three and a half years of your life for me, how can you say that it's nothing? It's something Tom, it's more than something. You're a pilot, and you've been one since you were a child, and to not fly in so long... Spirits, I _never_ expected anyone to do something like that for me, I don't know what to say."

He felt Chakotay's arms tightened around him. Tom brought his own hands up to hold Chakotay closer.

"Don't have to say anything."

Tom caught Chakotay's gaze on the window. They stood in silence, looking at each other.

"I love you, Angel."

The words that Tom had longed to hear for so long.

"Love you, Cha."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1309

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Tom lay awake in bed, watching Chakotay sleep. The day had been trying for both of them. Things had gone better than Tom ever hoped for, mainly due to Maria's obvious acceptance of him and Chakotay's "hurt him and you die" glare. He knew, sooner or later, he would get annoyed by Chakotay's protectiveness, but at the moment, Tom was just happy that the other man was getting back on his feet.

Chakotay's Aunt Dakota had made things easier, too, by hugging the stuffing out of Tom the minute they were introduced, and insisting that he call her Aunt Kota like Chakotay did.

A groan from Chakotay shook him out of his thoughts.

"Tom..."

"I'm here," he gathered the other man into his arms.

"Tom?"

Eyes fluttered open, searching.

"I'm here."

"You found me," the older man muttered sleepily.

_ Would've kept on looking for the rest of my life. _ "Go back to sleep, Cha."

Tom's words were unnecessary. He hugged the other man closer, immersing his senses in the familiarity of it all, and felt himself relaxing.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1310

Grave of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

The last time Chakotay was here, there was only his father's grave beside his grandparents'. In the seven years that he was gone, six more burial places were added. Three cousins, two uncles, and a nephew he had never met.

Lives cut short.

His heart raged at the unfairness of it all.

"Our family was lucky," Bey commented.

"You call _this_ lucky?!" Chakotay snapped.

It was just the two of them. Chakotay had wanted to come by himself, but he was too weak to take the short hike alone, and Bey had volunteered to accompany him.

"Yes. Compared to most people I know, we were damned lucky."

"Spirits, Bey, so many lives... wasted. He willed away the tears.

"All thanks to the Federation."

"No, Bey, you will _not_ find a way to blame this on Tom," he warned his brother.

"Chakotay, I don't know what sort of spell he has put you under..."

"Spells?" he spat the word out as though it was poison. "You think I'm under some spells?"

"It's the only explanation."

"Bey, why can't you accept that I love him?"

"How could I? The last time I saw you, you were so mad at him for betraying you that you had called him every name under the sky and invented a few more. And now, you come back saying that you're in love with him."

"I was gone for seven years, a lot could've happened, a lot _has_ happened." He let out a sigh. "Bey, we've gone through this before, I don't want to go through it again."

"Fine. I want you to see Wapasha."

"To make sure that Tom hasn't put a spell on me?" he replied sarcastically.

"Something like that."

Chakotay would have refused his brother if he had been feeling stronger, but it took most of his energy just to stand.

"Fine, let's get this over with."

He was glad it was only a ten minute walk to the healer's home, even so, Bey had to help him along on the last part of the journey. Chakotay literally collapsed on the front porch of Wapasha's house.

"That's it, I can't move anymore," he panted.

"You have a rest, I'll go get him." Bey replied, knocking on the door.

"Sons of Kolopak," the healer greeted as he opened the door. "It's nice to see you up and about, Chakotay. I was not sure I would see you again."

"It's good to see you too, Wapasha. I'd stand up to greet you, but I don't think I can manage that without falling over."

The old man smiled. "What brings you here?" Wapasha asked.

"Bey thinks I'm under a spell," Chakotay replied.

"A spell?" The healer cast a questioning glance at Bey. "Ah, I see. You think that Thomas has enthralled your brother?"

"Yes."

"Tell him it's ridiculous."

"Beyvahl, it's ridiculous," Wapasha obeyed Chakotay's request.

"But..."

"If it wasn't for Thomas, Chakotay would not be sitting here on my steps." Wapasha continued, ignoring Bey's interruption.

"I know he has saved my brother's life..."

"No. I mean Chakotay would still be in a coma if it weren't for Thomas."

"What do you mean?" Chakotay could see his brother's confusion.

"I told your mother I had doubts about Chakotay's recovery, did she told you that?"

"Yes."

"Modern medicine healed your body," Wapasha turned his attention to Chakotay. "But it could not heal your mind and you were trapped, lost."

"I know."

"When I went to see you three years ago, I nearly got lost in your dreamscape. The mists were everywhere, and I couldn't see any sign that you were even there."

"Tom found me," he stated, certain of the fact.

"He did." Wapasha replied with a smile. "You see, Beyvahl, your brother hasn't been enthralled, he's been blessed." With that, the healer went back into his house.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1310

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

"Chakotay, what did I tell you about overdoing it?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out his Angel was pissed.

"Sorry," Chakotay replied apprehensively, wondering how Tom was going to react.

"And that's what you'll be in a couple of hours when your muscles starts screaming at you."

"They already are," he confessed.

"Good. Now, off your feet," the younger man settled him down into the wheelchair within seconds of taking over from Beyvahl. Chakotay obeyed without protest.

"Good? You like to watch me suffer?"

"No, but it might teach you a lesson. There's a reason why the doctors gave you a set of instructions to follow and overdoing it will just set you back."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I promise I won't do it again."

"And you remember that," Tom said sternly. "I'm going to run a hot bath to relax those muscles of yours before you start whining."

"I don't whine!" he protested.

"Yeah, tell that to someone who don't know you." Tom left the living room with a smirk.

"I see the fearless Chakotay, leader of the Marquis, has found his match," his mother teased, walking out from the kitchen.

"More like someone who can control him!" his aunt quipped with a knowing nod.

"Aunt Kota, Tom does _not_ control me." Chakotay protested.

"Yeah, tell that to someone who hasn't seen you with him." Aunt Kota replied, echoing Tom's earlier words.

Chakotay shook his head with a smile. It was good to be home.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1311

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Chakotay woke up groaning. The pain in his right leg was almost unbearable.

"What's wrong?" Tom was immediately awake and by his side. Sometimes, he wondered if the other man ever slept. "Lights, twenty percent."

"Cramp. Right foot," he grunted.

"Lie down," Tom ordered, his hands seeking out the tense muscles and working magic on them. "This is the last time I'm letting you go anywhere without me."

"It's no big deal."

"No big deal? You're laying there wincing and moaning in pain and it's no big deal?"

"It's just a cramp."

"Right, and it's just a flesh wound after I shoot you with phaser set on kill," Tom retorted.

Chakotay could feel the pain melting away as his muscles relaxed under Tom's ministration.

"All you need to do is take it easy for a couple of weeks. Is that too much to ask for?" Tom continued.

"No," he admitted.

"Then why won't you do it?" Tom lowered his foot gently and looked at him in the dim light.

"I'm sorry, Tom. The path we took today is usually an easy walk, I didn't realise..." he started to apologise.

"It's ok," Tom interrupted, his right hand tracing the outline of Chakotay's tattoo. "I just hate to see you in pain."

Chakotay reached out and brought the hand to his lips, kissing the palm before joining their hands and placing it above his heart.

Tom was watching him, the light coming from behind the blond gave Tom an unearthly glow, but made it hard for him to see the other man's expression.

The minutes ticked by in silence, Chakotay holding Tom's hand while Tom watched him.

Finally, Tom leaned down and pressed his lips against Chakotay's, their hands pinned between them.

His other hand reached out to pull Tom closer, and he heard Tom moan above him.

"Cha," a breath against his lips. "I don't think..."

Knowing what Tom was about to say, he stopped the younger man with another kiss, pouring all his love and desire into the simple act; Chakotay's free hand sliding underneath Tom's shirt, eliciting another moan from Tom.  

He pulled the younger man on top of him, feeling his lover's erection against his thigh, knowing that Tom had waited for this moment for far too long.

"Clothes," he murmured into the kiss.

Their hands untangled as Tom moved to comply, swiftly disposing both of them of their clothing.

Skin against skin.

"Let me," Tom whispered into his ear before kissing his ear lobes.

Chakotay closed his eyes and Tom took over; touches and kisses trailing down his body, his senses overwhelmed. It felt as though Tom was cataloguing every inch of him, refamiliarising himself with every single detail. Chakotay wasn't about to complain.

"Tom," he pleaded.

The hand on his left hip trailing downwards towards the base of his penis before a finger traced the length of his erection, dragging a moan from him. He opened his eyes to find Tom watching him, the blond's emotions clearly displayed for him to see: lust, passion, desire, longing, love...

His breath caught in this throat. "So beautiful, my Angel." Chakotay reached out, and Tom caught both his hands, entwining their fingers before leaning forward and pressing them down beside Chakotay's head.

Face to face, Tom dove in for a deep kiss, slowly lowering his weight onto Chakotay. Both men moaned as their erections brushed against each other. Breaking the kiss, Tom started to move, a slow pace that Chakotay knew could last all night.

"I love you," Tom said before capturing Chakotay's mouth in another kiss, his movements not faltering.

Chakotay's world narrowed; there was only Tom's lips on his, and the sweet friction between them. "Please," he moaned between kisses.

Tom answered by increasing his pace, sending jolts of pleasure through Chakotay's body.

Tom broke the kiss, lowering his head to rest between Chakotay's neck and shoulders, gently nibbling at the skin.

Soon, Chakotay was thrusting his hips up to meet Tom's, seeking the release his body desperately craved.

"I've waited for so long," Tom panted; Chakotay could feel his lover's ragged breath against his skin. "Wondered if you would even remember me. You were always by my side, yet not."

Chakotay could hear the raw emotions in Tom's voice.

"I've looked for you, but couldn't find you. I prayed, I screamed, I cried; wanted you to know I was waiting, remembering."

He could only tightened his grip on Tom's hands in reply.

The younger man's momentum became frantic, Chakotay knew Tom was close.

"You found me, I'm here now. Come for me, Tom. No more waiting. Come for me."

"God, Cha." Tom moaned before biting Chakotay's shoulder as he climaxed.

The pain caused by Tom's bite was enough to send Chakotay over the edge, joining Tom in his release.

He held Tom as the pilot finally collapsed on top of him, spent. Moments later, Tom rolled both of them to their sides, taking his weight off Chakotay.

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he replied, still holding Tom close.

"I think that came under 'strenuous activities' on the doctor's list."

"Nah. Climbing a mountain, that's strenuous. Besides, you did most of the work, I was just laying there enjoying the ride," Chakotay said with a smile, hands gently stroking Tom's side. "You all right? You sounded a little..."

"Nuts?"

"Angsty maybe, but no, not nuts."

He felt Tom sigh.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just never thought... been so long and.... I just didn't...." Tom stammered.

"It's all right. I understand." And strangely enough, Chakotay did.

They held each other in silence, content just to be in each other's arms.

"Never thought I'd be here, with you, again. I've hoped, wished, prayed that it would happen, but I never once thought that it would. Hell, I was preparing myself for the fact that it might not," Tom said softly. "Guess that's pretty stupid huh?"

"No, it's not. Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something."

Silence.

"Tom?"

"I can't, Cha."

"You didn't even hear what I wanted you to do."

"I know what you want me to do."

"Didn't know you're a telepath."

"I'm not. I just know you."

_ Like no one else, Angel. Like no one else. _ "So, what was I going to say?"

"That if something like that happens again, I'd go on with my life and won't do anything stupid."

"And why can't you promise me that?"

"'Cause I don't want to make you a promise I know I can't keep."

Chakotay let out a sigh. He knew Tom well enough that he didn't try to force the issue. They would just end up fighting over it if he tried. "Guess I'll just have to make sure something like that doesn't happen again," he replied.

"You do that. And I think we need to clean up before we get stuck together."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Wonder what Maria would say if she knew you had such a dirty mind," Tom commented wryly as he got up and headed towards the bathroom.

"Who do you think I inherited it from?"

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1311

Lake Moonee Pond, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Ever since he had learned the name of the lake, Tom couldn't help wonder if it was a pond being called a lake or the other way around. Finding a tree that resembled one of Earth's old oaks, he settled himself underneath its shade.

There wasn't much he could do with Chakotay taking a nap and Maria busy preparing dinner. After spending almost two days cooped up in the house, Tom had to get out, even if it was only for a five-minute stroll.

He took in the sight before him, water rippling from a gentle evening breeze, the sun slowly moving towards the horizon, and if he squinted, he could make out the snowy tops of the distant mountain range.

It was as close to paradise as Tom had ever seen.

_ Wish Cha was here with me. _

"Mind if I join you?"

Tom was startled to find Beyvahl just a few feet away from him.

"Sure," he replied, eyeing the other man with suspicion.

Beyvahl found a patch of grass beside him and sat down.

Not knowing what to expect from Chakotay's brother, Tom remained silent and continued his appreciation of Chakotay's backyard.

_ Some backyard you have here, Cha. Beats the San Francisco Bay any day. _

"Beautiful isn't it?" Beyvahl finally broke the silence.

"Yes, it is."

"My father always told me I put too much value in my pride, so I guess there's no easy way for me to say this. I'm sorry."

Tom turned around to look at the other man, surprised. He had expected Beyvahl's usual 'stay away from my brother or I'll break your neck' speech, but not an apology.

"What changed your mind?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"More like who."

"Ok, who change your mind?"

"My mother, Wapasha, you."

Tom raised his eyebrows in question.

"You were there when mother made her speech."

Tom nodded.

"Yesterday, Chakotay and I went to Wapasha..."

"No wonder his muscles were screaming at him when he got back," he interrupted, mildly chastising.

"I apologize for that. I hadn't realised how weak he actually was."

"Don't worry about it, just don't do something like that again. Might set him back for weeks if he overdoes it. Anyway, you were saying something about Wapasha?"

"Yes. I admit I went to see Wapasha with the intention of finding out if Chakotay was under some sort of influence."

"Influence? You think I poisoned his mind or something?" Tom asked.

"I did."

Tom let out a short laugh. He didn't know whether to be offended or amused by what Beyvahl was saying.

"Wapasha set me straight though. Told me outright that you were a blessing. But I still didn't quite believe it until we got home. I don't know why I never saw it, but the way you took care of him, the way he _let_ you do it.... Sick or healthy, I've never seen Chakotay that compliant before. Even as a child, he was always too stubborn to listen to anyone."

"Still is," he said. "Just that if he had tried doing anything else yesterday, he would've fallen flat on his face and embarrassed the hell out of himself. I just took advantage of the situation."

Beyvahl laughed. "You're something else, Tom Paris."

"I'll take that as a compliment, and apology accepted," Tom replied with a smile.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1314

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Five days back home with a constant stream of relatives coming in and out of his home and Chakotay was starting to think that maybe Tom had had the right idea in the hospital about putting up the sign.

His mother turned to him as soon as his older cousin, four times removed, left. "You look exhausted, why don't you have a rest?"

"I'm fine, Mama."

"You look a little pale," his mother insisted.

"Quanah can have that effect on people," Chakotay replied. "He's even worse than Neelix once he gets going."

"He means well."

"I know."

"You sure you don't want to lie down a little while?"

"Ok, fine, I'm going." Chakotay gave up, thinking that, at any rate, he would need a rest by the time he finished arguing with his mother.

"Good."

Chakotay could hear the satisfied smirk in his mother's voice. "You're just afraid of what Tom might do to you if he found something wrong with me," he teased.

"I am not!" Maria protested. "I can take that skinny boyfriend of yours any day."

Chakotay chuckled as he made his way back into his room. He _was_ a little tired; even at fifty-eight, Quanah had the energy and the enthusiasm of a three year old.

The com unit in his room beeped just as he was about to reach the bed. Wondering who might be calling, Chakotay answered the call. He was somewhat surprise to see Harrys smiling face on the screen.

"Harry, what can I do for you?"

"Commander, nice to see you up and about. Is Tom around?" The lieutenant seemed excited about something.

"Harry, you can call me Chakotay. And I shouldve known you'd be looking for Tom," he replied with a smile. "My aunt dragged him to town today. Something about needing a man to carry her shopping bags, and knowing her, they probably won't be back for another couple of hours."

"Oh," Harry seemed disappointed. "Can you ask him to call me back as soon as he gets back?"

"Sure. Mind telling me what all this is about?"

"Well, with everything that's going on right now, I figured Tom wouldn't be paying much attention to the dates," Harry explained.

Chakotay laughed. "He wouldn't. He thought it was Sunday yesterday."

"It was Tuesday. How can he be that far off?" Harry asked, amused.

"I have no idea. Anyway, you were saying?"

"Right. Seeing that Tom really isn't paying attention to the dates, I thought I'd just remind him that his results are out today."

"Results?"

Harry looked surprised at his question.

"He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I can't believe he still hasn't told you about it! I'm going to kill him when I..."

"Harry," Chakotay interrupted. "What was Tom supposed to tell me?"

"That if he passes the exam, which results I were talking about, he would graduate med school."

"Med school?" _He's in med school and he never told me about it?! I am going to_ kill _him when he gets back!_

"You're going to kill him, too, I gather."

"You bet I am."

"Well, at least let him call and tell me how he did before you vaporize him or anything," Harry suggested.

"Don't worry, he'll get his chance to say his goodbyes to you." Chakotay replied.

"I really don't want to be in Tom's position right now." Harry chuckled before signing off.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1314

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

"I passed."

Tom stared at the screen, not quite believing what he was seeing.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Chakotay asked.

The older man was sitting in a chair next to him, a padd in his hands.

"Well, I guess."

"You guess?"

"No, I mean, passing is good. Passing is more than good!" he corrected himself. "It's just I never expect to get... well, _this_!" He gestured towards the screen as though it would explain itself.

Chakotay got up from his seat, peering over Tom's shoulders and letting out a low whistle. "Ninety-eight percent for Advanced Pediatric Medicine and ninety-five percent for Xenobiology. Top three percent in the graduating class. This is something." Chakotay finished reading and headed back to his seat.

"You're mad, aren't you?" he asked, still looking at the screen, not daring to face Chakotay.

"At you for being a genius? No. For not telling me you were in med school, maybe."

"Sorry, it kinda slipped my mind."

"Didn't I ask you what you've been doing, just a day or two after I woke up?"

"You did," Tom replied, slowly turning around to face Chakotay.

"And why couldn't you have told me then?" Chakotay demanded, face impassive.

"I didn't want to distract you then. I knew you were going to ask questions, I just wanted you to focus on your recovery. After that, I just forgot about it. I was just so nervous over the whole 'final year' thing that I didn't even want to _think_ about it," he replied, hoping that Chakotay would believe him. "And when your mother and brothers showed up, and then everyone else... it was a little overwhelming," he let out a sigh, shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, Cha, I really am."

Chakotay's expression softened and Tom relaxed.

"Come here, Angel."

He was by his fiancé's side in an instant, perching himself on the armrest of the chair.

"I'm not mad at you, just hurt that I had to hear something this important from someone else."

"I'm sorry," Tom repeated. "And when I get my hands on Harry and his big mouth.... Whoa!" Before Tom could finish, he was pulled from his precarious position into Chakotay's arms. "I take it that you forgive me?" Tom muttered, head nestled against Chakotay's shoulder, legs dangling over the armrest.

"I'll always forgive you."

Tom let out a sigh. "Thank God. Think I should call Harry now?"

"Let him stew for a while, you can call him tomorrow," Chakotay suggested.

"You read my mind," Tom breathed against the other man's neck; their physical proximity was having an effect on him.

Tom moved his hands across Chakotay's chest, caressing and seeking out buttons to be undone. Finding a spot on his lover's neck, Tom started sucking on it, intending to leave his mark on the other man. His efforts were rewarded with a moan.

"You're anxious tonight," Chakotay commented, voice husky.

"Told you I won't be able to stop once we get started," he murmured against Chakotay's neck, then tracing the outline of the older man's ear with his tongue before blowing on it. "Besides, we've got three and a half years to make up for." He whispered into the ear, slipping the now undone shirt off one shoulder.

"I guess we better get started then."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1316

Lake Moonee Pond, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

Hi back resting on the bark of the oak-like tree, legs stretched in front of him with Chakotay using his lap as pillow, watching the sunset. Tom figured life couldn't get any better.

"You never told me why you choose to go to medical school."

"I didn't. Not really," Tom replied.

"What do you mean?"

"A few months after... it happened, Doc got sick of me wallowing in self pity and decided to take a more active approach to getting me back on my feet, so he enrolled me. I didn't even know about it until the day before the term started."

"Must've been one hell of a surprise," Chakotay commented.

"Tell me about it! He did get me exempted from lots of stuff though. Hell, I think was exempted from half the course, which is why I managed to finish in three years even with part-time studies. I guess the years I spent helping out in sickbay did pay off."

"So, Doctor Tom, have you thought about what you're going to do?"

"Frankly, I haven't thought about it," he replied with a sigh, looking at the vivid colors of the clouds. "What about you?"

"Well, first thing I'm going to do once I get back on my feet is to marry you. After that, who knows. Might stay in Starfleet, or I might try gallivanting around the galaxy."

"Gallivanting around the galaxy? Doing what?" Tom asked in amusement.

"Oh, I don't know, seek out new life forms to antagonise?"

Tom laughed. "And this reminds me, I've been tempted to track down our Ferengi friends from the Delta and pay them a visit."

"Or we could follow your plan and seek out old friends to antagonise. Of course, all of this would have to be after the honeymoon. Would ruin the mood otherwise."

"You seem pretty sure that I'm gonna marry you," Tom teased.

"You mean you don't want to? Oh, ok, guess we can save on the expenses then."

"No!" Despite knowing that Chakotay was joking, Tom couldn't help his own reaction. "I didn't mean... you bastard " He gently hit Chakotay in the shoulders, feeling happier than he had in a long time.

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1320

House of Kolopak, Dorvan V

\----------------------------------------

_ 'Mornin, sleeping beauty. It's day hundred and four. When are you waking up, Cha? Why can't you find your way back? I miss you so much. _

_ <sigh> _

_ Everyone's going to be coming back soon from their leave, it'll be a nice surprise for them if you could wake up and meet them for yourself. But I guess that might be asking a little too much right now. _

_ I know I say this everyday, and you must be sick of hearing it, but I won't give up, Cha. Not until I find you. _

_ <pause> _

_ Sorry I'm late today. Day hundred and five, by the way. I finally found out why they wanted me back in Starfleet so badly. _

_ <pause> _

_ I never did tell you, or anyone else for that matter, about Caldrik Prime, _ _did I? Not really a good topic for conversation when I'm around. I know you've always wondered about what really happened, but you were too damned considerate to ask me about it. So, here's it: I wasn't piloting the shuttle when it crashed._

_ Surprised? _

_ <sigh> _

_ There were five of us, Sherrie, Rolland, Patrick, Jo, Amy, and me. Amy was Patrick's cousin, a third year cadet, hitching a ride. She was starting her intermediate piloting that semester and wanted to have a go at the real thing. I let her.  _

_ I shouldn't have. She wasn't experienced enough to handle the ion storm that hit us while we were in the asteroid belt. So you see, it _ was _a pilot error, I wasn't lying._

_ That's why they wanted me back in Starfleet. Amy's parents found her logs, well, they found it ages ago, but didn't listen to it until years later. Apparently, she had planned to get me to let her pilot the shuttle days before the trip. Somehow, they figured their daughter might've succeeded and they wanted to know the truth. With Amy's logs, and from what evidence they had before, Starfleet figured it out. Then Grandpa found out about their screw up, and let's just say things got really ugly and leave it at that. _

_ My promotion was their way of saying sorry, and in some way, to appease Grandpa. Only, none of them bothered to tell me about it. Finally figured out when I stumbled on an old news article about the whole thing. _

_ I really don't know why they never told me. It was public knowledge anyway, did they think I wouldn't find out? _

_ <pause> _

_ Sometimes, I really wonder what the higher ups are thinking... or even if they're thinking at all. _

_ <sigh> _

_ No wonder they wanted me to stay. It would've been a PR nightmare for them if I left, not to mention pissing off Grandpa, which really isn't a good idea. Thank God, he's retired. _

"Pause playback," Chakotay ordered, gathering Tom closer. "Not your fault."

"Isn't it? Should've known better." Tom was holding him so tight as though the younger man's life depended on it. "Should've known better to let a third year near the helm in that sort of condition."

"You couldn't have known that the ion storm was going to hit."

"Just let me wallow in self pity for a little while longer," Tom joked, but Chakotay could tell that it was forced.

"If that's what you want."

"Yeah."

"I'll be here for you, always."

"I know."

  


\----------------------------------------

Day 1538

Quark's, Deep Space Nine

\----------------------------------------

"We'll file a complaint with the Federation Council!"

"And with Starfleet Command! Conduct unbecoming of an officer!"

The pair of high-pitched Ferengi voices could be heard all over the bar as their owners retreated.

"That was harsh. I like it." The bartender Quark said, leaning over the counter with a ready smile. "So, what else can I get for you gentlemen? I think a celebration is in order after what you pulled off."

"No thanks, we'll be going," Chakotay replied, finishing his drink.

"Are you sure? After what you put Kol and Arridor through, whom I habour no love for by the way, you deserve a celebration," Quark insisted.

"'Profit is its own reward' Rule of Acquisition forty one, I believe." Tom quoted. "Thanks for the offer, but we really should be going. Risa sounds like a good place to spend all this latinum." Tom flashed a smile at Quark before dragging Chakotay off his chair and out of the bar.

"Rule of Acquisition two hundred and eighty four, deep down, everyone's a Ferengi." Quark muttered, watching the honeymooning couple disappearing into the crowd on the promenade.

The End


End file.
